I am a retired teacher who immigrated to Canada along with my family in spring of 1994. I was born into a family with strong Buddhist tradition. We used to set up statues of Sakyamuni and Guanyin in our family and we regularly burnt incense on them. Ever since I was a child, I had been greatly influenced by Chinese morality which is a mixture of Confucianism, Buddhism and Taoism. I also traveled to many of the renowned mountains and temples where I worshipped idols, copied Buddhist sutra, prayed for protection from the spirits and prayed for better luck to fall on me¡K

Then came the forty years of unpredictable political storms in the Chinese mainland, in which we had no choice but to accept the Communist education of atheism. Many of us truly believed the saying that we should not rely on the heavens, nor on the earth, nor on spirits or emperors, but rather we should rely on ourselves. I also believed in doctrines like there is no savior on earth and there is no unconditional love. So I had lived the first half of my life in total aimlessness, formlessness and hatred. Moving into the nation of maple trees featuring liberty and democracy, I was overwhelmed by new problems, new hopelessness and new confusion. For a long time these problems, along with all kinds of challenges new immigrants usually ran into such as new climate, new language, culture shock as well as daily needs, had prevented me from adapting the new environment. I even considered suicide. My spiritual path toward learning about the trinity God and believing in Jesus as my savior is also full of hesitation, struggle, pain and complications.

In the early ¡¥90s, the City of Chengdu resumed Sunday worship services in both Catholic and Christian churches under direct supervision of the government. I was fortunate enough to get to know a few believers who came from the countryside and who had kept their fellowship gatherings and praying through difficult times. In them I saw simplicity and integrity; they are always willing to help and they are full of peace and joy. Some of them even travel over five miles and bring lunch with them to participate in the worship and Sunday schools. Some continue to make contributions to the church even though their fields don't look good at all. Some extend their helping hands to brothers and sisters who suffer from natural disasters. Some participate in various public volunteer work. These people don't have much schooling and they often live in poverty, but these rural believers build their faith on the rock and they demonstrate unprecedented love to others. It is particularly memorable for them to survive in the Chinese society in which morality deteriorates, human desire overwhelms, money dictates and corruption popularizes. For the first time in my life I felt the existence of unconditional love, and such love is rooted on the Cross of Jesus Christ¡K

When we arrived in the capital of Canada, we were greeted by Rev. Mai, former pastor of the Chinese Alliance Church. According to our original plan, my son went back to China in January of 1994 and he was supposed to accompany us all the way to Canada. However, he somehow lost his Canadian retry visa and he didn't notice it till he was going through the Chinese customs in Canton. As a result, my son had to fly back to Beijing to obtain another visa while we had to fly via Hong Kong to Canada without him. After we arrived in Ottawa, Rev. Mai provided us a lot of help in immigration paperwork and he helped solve a lot of problems we encountered. What he did to us once again made me feel the true existence of unconditional love, which had to come from God's grace and his salvation. Looking at myself, I felt I had spent half of my life in foolishness, emptiness, anxiety and complaints, and I had reserved very little love to other people. How insignificant and unconcerned I looked compared to these pious Christians.

Then happened something to our great surprise: four days after we arrived in Canada, Rev. Mai led a group of people at his home and prayed to God that he would lead my son back home early from China. Then the same night after the pray, he really came back. A week worth of worries, fear and impatience disappeared instantly. On the following Easter Sunday, my son was baptized and became a Christian.

I started to participate in Sunday services and Sunday schools together with my children. The next Easter Sunday, my daughter was baptized. In three years, they had become humble, proactive, happy and honest under the guidance of God, and they had made considerable progress in their study, career and integrity. They were the best role models in my spiritual pathway. At the same time, I continually obtained inspiration, encouragement and help from brothers and sisters in the Chinese Bible study gatherings. Sister Zhao and Brother Yu often shared the Gospel with me and they gave me a lot of Christian books and periodicals such as Overseas Campus, Pursuit, A Trip to Faith by Mr. Lin Yu-tang, and Culture China edited by Dr. Liang Yan-cheng. I was finally awakened: Although the Chinese morality, which is a mixture of Confucianism, Taoism and Buddhism, contains a lot of moralistic principles, many of which are suitable for the Chinese people, such as self cultivation, family value, healthy government and peaceful society, and are of positive significance in terms of establishing peaceful human relations, these moralistic principles are nonetheless eclipsed with partiality, narrow-mindedness and superstition. I also understand that nothing but the creation of God with supernatural power can possibly explain the endlessness and wonder of the universe. Our sinful nature as well as our constant worries and confusion cannot be erased by our scientific, technological or educational advancement or by our economic and social development. The only way to overcome the crises of the society and of human beings is to believe in the true trinity God. Unless we inherit God's kingdom and God's righteousness, we can never free ourselves from human sufferings. It is as the Bible says: "Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness." (John 8:12)

Since April of last year, I have been to Ottawa Lord's Grace Church every Sunday. Rev. Deng also came to my home and explained the Gospel messages to us. He also led us in praying. My spiritual life began to grow. I remember one of Rev. Deng's messages at the Evergreen Fellowship in September: How are we supposed to deal with life and death? As I was listening, God suddenly granted me enlightenment. I realized how weak and helpless human beings are when they approach death. They can never peacefully face the challenge if they do not have the spiritual courage from God. So I immediately raised my hand and committed myself to the faith of the Lord. Then on the Easter Sunday of this year, I was baptized and became a Christian. From then on, my days are full of peace and joy. I repent; I read the Bible; I pray. I also learn to discipline myself with Christ's teachings.

In the three months after I was baptized, I have not had any worries, fear or depression like I did before. I thank God for giving me all of this. Although in my days to come I may still run into bumps, I only hope that I be reborn, that my old self be crucified with Christ, and that my new self be improved under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the Bible.

The author came from Sichuan Province. He now lives in Ottawa, Canada.