The Latecomer for the New Year Retreat

By Qian Guo-wei

Surviving alone in Japan

In 1991 I came to Japan from Shanghai as a self-support student of Japanese. Like many other overseas students I had come to Japan on my own to make a living. I lived under the burden of my own dreams for my future, the high expectations of my parents and other relatives and friends, and all the debts I had incurred during my application process.

It was not at all easy living in Japan and the harsh reality was even worse than I had expected. I became increasingly discouraged by all the cold-shouldering I encountered, along with the difficulties in finding accommodation not to mention the tremendously high living costs.

When I first came to Japan, I did not know a single word of Japanese. I found a part-time cleaning job for a couple of hours a day, but had to pay agent fees of up to four hours worth of my earnings. At first I managed to move in with a friend of mine after promising I would only stay there for three days. During those three days I hurriedly contacted all my acquaintances, some of whom I didn't even know by name. I bumped into a friend whom I had only met once before, and he agreed to let me move in with him as long as I kept myself out of the landlady's sight, as the rental agreement did not allow for more than one occupant. Renting a place not only cost a large amount of money, it also required a reference from a Japanese citizen. This posed a real difficulty for me. So I had to fight a kind of guerrilla warfare and I moved house six times in one year.

Finding accommodation was hard; making money was even harder. I owed people money and I spent every single day worrying about my debts. I did not speak Japanese, so could only settle for dish-washing in restaurants and cleaning jobs in night clubs. During almost all of my first year, I worked at three jobs at a time: I would get up 6:30 in the morning and go to the night club to do the cleaning. Then I would go on to the restaurant to wash dishes. In the afternoon I went to the language school, usually taking a nap there. Then I would go on to another restaurant to wash dishes till 11:30 at night. I did not get home till very late. I did not have enough time for sleep. After one year I had repaid all my debts but my health was deteriorating and I had to return to Shanghai to take a break for one month. I kept myself quiet and away from any of my friends in Shanghai.

Before I went to Japan, I had been to church several times. Those experiences assured me that church people were really nice. Now that I was having such difficulties in my daily life, I naturally sought help from a church. With my language problems I had difficulties deciding which church to go to. I was even introduced to Jehovah Witnesses a couple of times before I got settled in a Christian church in Tokyo through an elderly brother.

Graduate student in The University of Tokyo

Then my situation began to improve. I was able to rent a place of my own and did not have to work so hard to pay off my debts. Instead I began to have more time for studying Japanese and other books. At that time I was enrolled in the graduate program of Japan's University of Tokyo. I was very proud of myself because the University of Tokyo was the top university in Japan. I had not needed any references and yet I still managed to find a couple of professors who expressed interest in me. It was not until I failed to pass the qualifying exam that I started to worry again. If I could not pass the exams within a certain time, I would lose my student status and I would become an illegal immigrant. Although I was not a Christian, I started to pray. To my great surprise, I did really well in the next exam. I even managed to give correct answers to the questions I was not sure of.

So I became a formal candidate for the Master's program. I moved into the students' dorm, which was both low-cost and attractive, and I no longer had to wash dishes. But once more I forgot that all this was of God's grace. It took me two years to complete the Master's program. During the first year, I studied really hard but failed to achieve anything in my research projects. In the second year I was busy working on my thesis as well as hunting for a job. The economy was bad and it was accepted that job-hunting would pose a real challenge. So once again I came back to God and asked for help. I was really ashamed of myself. I had already made so many vows to God about being willing to believe in Him if He blessed me in some way. But as soon as the blessings had come, I would just run away again. I could even come up with ways to make excuses for myself.

This time I felt so bad about myself that I wrote myself a serious letter. In the letter I wrote down my hopes and even set a date. At the end I wrote that if God made my hopes come true before a certain date, I would get baptized.

Our God is true and faithful. It is pleasing to Him if we worship Him in spirit and truth. Five months before my self-appointed date and without opening the letter I had written, I was baptized into the Lord and became a Christian.

The Lord's grace and love quite overwhelmed me. My thesis was passed smoothly and I found a job in a first-class Japanese company. I was delighted about it all. But then, without my realizing, my old self came back. Once again I started to forget God's grace, attributing my success to my own efforts. I even started to avoid going to church.

The late-comer for the New Year Retreat

All along God knew me best. The department I was in was the company's center for research and development. There were many gifted people in the department, but this gave rise to some complex issues of interpersonal relationships. I had been over-confident of my own abilities in the area of public relations, especially in dealing with Japanese people. But God had lessons to teach me in the very area where I had felt so sure of myself.

But I wasn't really aware of all this at the time, and just went on doing just whatever I felt best. At the beginning of the year the church was running a New Year's Retreat. I was not interested in the Retreat and made plans to take a trip alone to Osaka, thinking that I could relax, collect my thoughts and prepare myself for even greater advances. But in Osaka I accidentally twisted my ankle going down the stairs reading a map at the same time. My leg was so swollen that I had to give up my travel plans and return to Tokyo. I went to bed with a temperature. After taking some medication I was much better the next day, but I had nowhere to go on New Year's Day and I was feeling rather lonely. I stayed at home but the mere thought of getting on with my work made me feel sick again. Then I remembered the Retreat. I decided to go. I was a late-comer.

But God did not give up even a late-comer. He had brought me back to the Retreat because He wanted to bless me. In the prayer meeting on the last day of the Retreat, I was greatly moved and fell to the floor in tears. As a man I felt a bit ashamed of myself. But God in His compassion heard my heart-cry and He took away my bitterness. He showed me a picture of a high mountain with a large stone tablet. On the tablet was written: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

I had never seriously read the Bible, nor had I ever tried to memorize any Bible verses. But at this moment I was so touched by the picture that I surrendered to God's love and I memorized this verse.

So once again I was drawn back to God.

The author is from Shanghai. He earned a Master's degree from Tokyo University. He now works in a Japanese company.