Many people refuse to become Christians. They do not like to hear that they are sinners; to them it is an assault on their character. I can understand how these people feel, for I myself was imprisoned for ten years, charged with a crime that I didn't commit. Therefore in the past, whenever I heard someone say that I am a "sinner", I would react strongly. But today I am willing to freely admit to the Lord that I am a sinner, because now I understand the true meaning of sin.

These days the word "sin" is being excessively used by people to attack their opponents, to defend themselves, or to punish others. It has deviated from its original meaning. Because men are not God, they cannot flawlessly and without selfish motive convict others of sin. Nor can they authorize others to punish people fairly. To do so, one would overstep and misuse God's holy and honorable right. This alone is a sure proof of the sinfulness of mankind. Jesus Christ wants to make us realize that we need to return from our lost ways, to confess our sins before Him, and to follow Him closely in order to receive His forgiveness and be given new life.

The second reason a person is not willing to accept Christ and to join a church is the fear that he willl be restricted by an organization, and thus be deprived of her/his personal freedom. During the past thirty years, I have lived under stringent organizational discipline. For ten years I had to live under strict supervision and follow rigid rules. For example, we had to get approval before using the bathroom, and we had to go to bed at the sound of a whistle. For this reason, I'm especially turned off by the mere mention of the word "institution" . You can imagine, now that I have enjoyed my freedom, how greatly I treasure that freedom. If anyone wants to take my freedom from me again, I will fight him to the very end! Nevertheless, today I'm willing to give up all I have to the Lord Jesus, submitting myself willing at His feet. I am proud to be one of His people. Because the Lord is God incarnate, only He is worthy to be Lord over us.

During those long years of physical imprisonment, many times I was so hungry that my vision was blurred and I felt dizzy. In the cold of winter, my hands and feet would become numb, and the heat of the summer almost made me past out. I would very often curse my enemies, hoping that they would die one-by-one by murder, poison or insanity. But today I am willing to give up the evil thoughts of revenge, and confess them to the Lord. Isn't it because this world has more hate than love that we are stuck in the vicious cycle of persecution and revenge with seemingly no way out? Since the Lord has sacrificed Himself for our sake and cleansed us of sin with His blood, is there anything we cannot give up for Him?

Thirty years of indoctrination and ten years behind iron bars failed to transform me. Yet during this past half year, although my appearance and my body have not changed, deep inside my soul I am tremendously different. Even my character and temperament have been transformed. All this has come about since I began following the Lord, and having fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ. What else could have brought this about except the mighty power and greatness of God?

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This article is Ha Shen's testimony when he was baptized at Maryland Chinese Bible Church.