Prelude:

There are so many things in this world that are not desirable. No matter where we go, we always encounter unpleasant situations. On the other side of the Pacific Ocean, there so many people who are dying to obtain a visa that will get them across. But when they finally arrive, they suddenly feel isolated, as though they are on a desert island, and they experience profound loneliness and emptiness.

As a matter of fact, every place has its share of brightness and darkness, just as in each place the sun rises and sets. On a bright day you walk on the sunny side; on a cloudy day you can still think about the sunshine that is to come. Therefore no matter whether you are here or there, you can always live a life that is not all gloomy.

Several years ago I flew to the U.S. from China. No matter where I am, either in familiar or in new surroundings, with acquaintances or total strangers, I am still able to enjoy the various colors of life under the same sun, whether bright or dark.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

On the night of December 30, 1989, My five-year-old daughter and I arrived in the United States for the first time, along with our four suitcases and two bags. It was a very cold winter night when our Eastern Airlines flight landed at Kennedy Airport in New York. The city was already lit with a thousand lights. We were scheduled to take another flight the next morning at 8:00 a.m. for Puerto Rico where my husband would meet us. We knew no one in New York and were reluctant to check into a hotel. Therefore we had no choice but to spend the night in the airport.

It had been nearly twenty hours since we had taken off in Shanghai. By then we were suffering from jet lag. Exhausted, cold, and hungry, we took the airport shuttle bus from Pan Am to TWA. The driver unloaded our belongings in the snow and took off. My daughter, myself, and another girl traveling with us, pushing three luggage carts, walked into the lobby of TWA. The huge building was empty and quiet, which made me nervous. Except for the tall Santa Claus statue, there was not a breath of life in sight. On one side of the hall were glass windows from top to bottom. The three of us stood in the hall with all of our belongings, fearing what might come to us in a snowy night in New York City.

My daughter was thirsty, hungry and exhausted. Because of air sickness, she hadn't had anything to eat for a long time. I gave her and the other girl two pieces of bread left over from lunch, and got some water with a plastic cup that had been cracked in the luggage. My daughter ate and fell asleep on our suitcases. With eyes wide open, I nervously viewed our surroundings. I dared not lean on the sofa for a second, since it was a very exposed place. We found a dimly lit place and sat on the floor.

The other girl was fresh out of college. This was her first time in the U.S. In fact it was her first time away from home. She sat there with her eyes closed, planning how to talk to a robber in English when necessary. She had the words ready and kept repeating them in her heart, "We are students from a poor country; all our money is here and you can have it. You won't need the books in the suitcase; will you please leave them with us?"

When it was past 11:00 p.m., a lady in uniform came by. Shaking the keys in her hand, she motioned for us to leave. TWA had no midnight flights; she needed to lock up. It was still snowing hard outside. Looking out in the dark at night, we were even more afraid. We showed her the plane tickets for the next morning and pleaded with her to let us stay. She shook her head. We asked her if there was any place nearby we could spend the night. Again, she shook her head coldly and we were driven out of the building.

Still half asleep, my daughter pushed her luggage cart and followed us closely, her small red overcoat covered with a thin layer of ice sparkling in the snowy night. The snow covered ground was etched with her footprints. With no idea where to go, we walked in the snow looking for shelter. The other girl's cart and mine were overloaded with suitcases. The road was slippery and the suitcases frequently slipped down from the carts. We had to stop and pick them up. There were many cars on the road and we were the only pedestrians. We were so nervous that several times we found ourselves stranded in the middle of traffic.

The most dangerous scene occurred when we were crossing a road. Some of my luggage fell from the cart while my daughter's cart was on a slope at the other side. She was too small to sustain such a heavy cart, and the cart pushed her down the slope. Her screams tore up the silence of that New Year's Eve. Stuck in the traffic myself, I was unable to help her.

In my anguish, an unspoken sadness overwhelmed me. After half a night of wandering in the snow, I finally understood the bitter coldness of the world. A deep sense of loneliness and helplessness engulfed me that night.

At last we saw some lights. Following a winding path, we entered a huge hall. Again there was that deadly silence everywhere. Our hearts were numbed by the icy snow. My daughter once again fell asleep. I gently touched her frost-bitten little face and silently counted the hours in my heart.

The sound of footsteps from upstairs made my heart pound. Looking up, I saw an Asian lady in airport uniform standing beside us. She told us that we could not spend the night there. When she saw my sleeping girl, there was sympathy in her eyes. She said that she would find someone to take us to a place where we could stay. A few minutes later, she came back with a blond lady who led us along a zigzag path through the maze-like buildings. She helped us with the luggage cart. Finally, she brought us to a luggage room which wasn't very big. There were a few other passengers and some unclaimed luggage there.

Having wandered in the night for so long, we finally found a place where there was light and some people. It was already past midnight. We sat there until dawn.

That snowy night in New York was our first impression of life in the U.S.A. After making it through that night, my daughter seemed to mature a lot. I don't know the full impact that experience made on her heart. From one of her recently written stories, I saw the sunny side of her disposition. She recorded some of the harsh situations experienced when she first arrived in the U.S., and in the story she left out that cold snowy night in New York city. Instead, she wrote about help received from her friends. She ended her story saying "Having experienced all these things, I feel that the U.S. is actually not all that terrible!"

Yes, although we had experienced that dreadful stormy night and the cold treatment from one person, we did get help from two other people, and we did get home safely.

The sun rises and sets everyday. Why keep my heart cold because of what happened on that stormy night?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

On a beautiful Christmas night, a Chinese couple was invited to an American home. The white snow and the silent night made them miss their far-off family even more. On a night like this, perhaps they would have preferred to stay in their small house and write a letter home or have a cup of tea, or just lie in the bed and become homesick, doing nothing at all. However, their kind American friends wanted to share some Christmas happiness with them, and they were reluctantly brought into a place away from homesickness. Sitting by the beautiful Christmas tree with flickering candles and flashing lights, the laughter and joyfulness of others seemed far removed from them. After dinner, the host family started to open their presents, while the Chinese couple remembered Chinese New Year's Eve back home, and their happy children receiving money gifts that night. When the host gave them beautifully wrapped presents, they felt like crying. Nostalgia had made them strangers to their present surroundings.

This new place is indeed far away from our home. When you realize the distance, why not try to come close to it instead of stepping away?

* * * * * * * * * * * *

There was another beautiful Christmas night on a lovely small island in the Caribbean. On that island, there were several lonely Chinese students. Surrounding them was the roaring sound of the ocean instead of the white snow. On the first floor of the Hilton Hotel, a Chinese scholar was sitting alone at a bar, sipping wine.

His eyes followed the couples dancing on the floor, and his face lit up with a smile from time to time. He was one of my friends - a very elegant gentleman.

More than ten years ago, he had come from mainland China to study in the U.S. on an F-1 visa. But it was not until last Christmas that he was finally offered a teaching position in a university on this small Caribbean island. Both of his children were in college in the United States, and his wife was with the children. He was alone on the island, with only a large photo of his wife and old memories of their past thirty years of marriage to keep him company.

This was a luxurious 5-star hotel with a romantic setting and merry melodies. There were crowds of wealthy guests dancing in pairs. All of this seemed to have little to do with his situation, a lonely man by himself, except that together they shared the same space. But instead of excluding himself from this world, he started enjoying that happy atmosphere and tried to approach a world which was distant from his.

He told me later that on that night he met a humorous and talkative old man from America. They toasted each other and had a good chat. When the party was over, the old man called a taxi and invited him to sight-see with him along the beach. He had a splendid Christmas Eve. Finally, they bid good-bye to each other with a hand shake. Neither one of them asked for the other's address. It would be unlikely they would ever see each other again. However, neither of them regretted it. At least they had become genuine friends for a short time and shared a good memory to look back upon.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Life in America is by no means like Christmas all the time. From the blue eyes, one may not always find kindness. Maybe you think you have been accepted as a member of this society. Then one day, you will find yourself distanced from this society by a strange glance, a gesture, an English sentence you failed to grasp, or an unknown feeling.

One of my friends, Mr. Cheng, once told me of his experience:

Mr. Cheng had lived in the U.S. for more than ten years. He was a senior engineer in an American company and all the Caucasians respected him. One day a pompous guest who was a senior engineer from a big company came to visit Mr. Cheng's company. Mr. Cheng greeted him and scheduled him to meet some of the high level personnel in the company. The guest agreed with a smile. When the time came, Mr. Cheng and the others waited for that important guest for a long time, but he did not show up. Later on, Mr. Cheng's boss told him the guest claimed no knowledge of the appointment, saying that he did not understand Mr. Cheng because of his awkward English. It came to him at that moment that politeness did not fill the gap between himself and the Americans.

On that same day, he went on a business trip. He arrived at the airport very early in order to get a good seat. Although he was one of the first in line, the blond attendant assigned him the worst seat on the plane.

When the plane landed a few hours later, it was meal time so he went to a pizza place. The young black clerk cheerfully took the order from the man in front of him, but when it was Mr. Cheng's turn, his smile vanished. He carelessly threw the pizza on the counter with the change. Scarely before Mr. Cheng could pick up his pizza, the man looked over his shoulder and called, "Next!"

The place was almost full. Mr. Cheng found the only vacant seat by a lady. When he walked over with his pizza, the lady's unpleasant look stopped him. So, he went to the window and ate his pizza while standing and holding his briefcase. He then hurried off.

The world became so distant to him in one day. The land on which he had lived for over ten years suddenly became incredibly hostile. He decided to withdraw from this world, and never be friendly with another blue-eyed American again.

As he returned to the airport and waited for the next flight, his heart filled with loneliness and anger. He prayed silently. Only the power of God could help him face those blue-eyed and big-nosed people.

When he boarded the plane again, he found himself sitting next to a young man with blue eyes, but this time he noticed friendliness in his eyes. He talked with him in a nice tone and tried to talk to him without bias. He seemed to have bridged the western world that had briefly alienated him.

The conversation went well. When the young man heard what he had been through that day, his blue eyes filled with shame. He apologized to his Asian friend. His sincerity melted Mr. Cheng's heart and the two become true friends.

When Mr. Cheng walked out of the airport at sunset, he found it as beautiful as before, and the world as colorful as ever.

Indeed, the sun rises and sets everyday. Why only pay attention to the shadows? Regardless of how others may look at us, we need to keep walking on the sunny side.

*****

Ning Zi came from Nanjing and is now a theological seminary student in Los Angles.