"So this is America!" When I just arrived in this country, many times I could not help exclaiming to myself how amazing it all was. When I saw streams of cars racing down a five or even ten lane highway in both directions, I said to myself, "This is real transportation -- speed, energy and efficiency! As for the residential areas, I saw trees and grass planted and growing in their proper places. Squirrels and unknown animals were running all over the place; birds that I saw only in cages before were chirping on the top of the trees. Ducks and geese strolled leisurely along the shores of lakes which dotted the landscape. There were road signs that read: Watch out for crossing deer. The farms along the side of the highways, though I seldom saw any one working them, teemed with crops in autumn awaiting harvest. Then I said to myself, "This is nature, harmony, and life!"

I have never consciously reminded myself that I belong to a certain country, but I clearly realize that I am not part of this place. This is America. The roads, the grass, the scenery, and even those neatly placed garbage cans are not mine -- they belong Americans. The moon may not be bigger in the States than in China, but it does shines brighter. Even in an industrial state such as New Jersey, one seldom feels the effect of air pollution. 

One day, an American gentleman came to my house and offered to study the Bible with me. He showed me a picture depicting Heaven and told me how wonderful it is. Sensing that I was not impressed, he asked me how I felt about the subject. I replied, "You see, I am already sitting in one heaven and hearing about another that is on paper." The old man had a puzzled look as he glanced around my shabby apartment. How could he understand what I said, because in my mind I was thinking of my own country in comparison with America.

China is a similarly vast piece of land, but the hills and plains are bare and the streams are dry. The land is heavily eroded. The air is heavily polluted and energy resources are squandered away. Railroads and highways are poorly maintained. Overpopulation, the decline of quality in education, and heavy taxation have forced tens of thousands of peasants to desert their once treasured pieces of land and swarm into cities to find a living. How can I not feel sad contrasting that with what I am seeing in the States ? 

From what I have studied about the history of United States of America, I found that the early Americans had also gone through a time of struggling for survival. As new immigrants to this new continent, the Pilgrims were under harsh British rule. The British imposed heavy taxation and various other unreasonable regulations on them. Finally, the people had enough and fought a war for independence. When Thomas Paine published his booklet "Common Sense" to challenge people to fight for their own freedom and independence, leaders from different states took up his cry and united to fight against the British Empire. Then Thomas Jefferson issued the Declaration of Independence.  After five years of fighting, these ordinary farmers and peasants actually defeated the well-trained British Army. A free and independent America was then born.

Then later came the Civil War. The battle between the North and the South inflicted a tremendous wound on the souls of the people. The war however, abolished the slavery system in the South and paved the way for North America to become a genuinely united, democratic country. 

In the first instance, the war against foreign powers earned them their freedom and independence. Then, the Civil War brought about a new democratic country. This is the glory of America. 

What about China? In the past 150 years, China has been embroiled in numerous wars. None of the wars, whether internal or external, brought about any benefits for its people. The deafeat in the Opium War caused China to lose her dignity among international powers. After eight years of bitter struggle, the Sino- Japanese war was the only victory that China could claim, but only because the enemy surrendered. The Communists claimed credit for the victory and yet dared not demand compensation from the aggressor. Later civil war broke out between the Kuoming Party and the Communist Party. The Communist Party won, but plunged the country and its people into an abyss of despair. Wars without any real victories -- that is China's tragedy. 

China as a nation has suffered greatly from these wars. The people are weary of instability. Consequently a consensus has been formed among the educated: "regardless of the cause, do not confront; do not rebel and do not cause conflict or disturbance." Fighting against the dictatorial regime was branded as radical and irrational, and was accused of pushing China into the pit of suffering.

Very few are willing to face the fact that during the forty years of Communist rule, more than sixty million Chinese perished as a result of direct or indirect persecution from the government! This surpasses the total number of casualties from all Chinese wars in the past hundred years. It exceeds the combined total number of casualties of World War II!

"Nothing is more important than freedom...if we do not fight now, it will become our children's war," Thomas Paine said as the Americans were struggling under the rule of the British government. When the Confederate army was advancing, for the sake of democracy and unity of the country, President Lincoln did not plead for cease fire. Instead, he tried to find a general who could out-match General Robert Lee of the Confederate army. The sanctity of human rights as a God-given gift was underscored by the spirit of willingness to sacrifice oneself for the cause of freedom. Sad to say, this "common sense" among educated Americans is regarded as rebellious and unpardonable among the learned Chinese. After all these years of oppression, none among the learned in today's China has the courage to sound the cry to fight for freedom and human rights.

America was a strong-willed nation, but its form of government was born through compromise. After the Civil War the country had to decide the kind of government they would have. There were representatives from different states who held different opinions. After four months of debate and compromises, a new constitution was drafted in Philadelphia and a new government which was acceptable to most Americans was born. This is yet another glory for America. 

In 1989, Chinese students tried to fight for democracy through peaceful and rational demonstrations. Unfortunately their effort was ruthlessly crushed by the government with guns and tanks. In the persecution following the crackdown, most of the student movement leaders fled the country in order to preserve their own lives.

In 1993 I attended a convention in Washington D.C. which was promoted as a meeting of all the leaders of the Chinese Democratic Movement. The convention was packed. As a bystander, I observed the whole drama unfold from day one. The goal of the meeting was to unify all the overseas leaders to fight for China's democracy. Throughout the meeting, there continuously were heated arguments because of differences in opinions. The in-fighting behind the scenes grew larger and larger. Revenge among different groups began to take importance over reconciliation. In just a few short days, the two major camps of the movement – rather than being united into one, were divided into three! 

Like most of my fellow countrymen, I was formerly numb to the horrible condition of my native country. Yet now I am living in this new country, and what I have seen has touched me deeply. I look at my own country. Not only is the land devastated; it is a sinking ship. The rich are flaunting their wealth while the poor are trying desperately to gather what they can. In the countryside, the crying of abandoned babies no longer attracts attention or sympathy. No one picks them up or even casts a curious glance. The outgoing tide of illegal immigrants shows no signs of ebbing any time soon. More and more people turn to idol worship. No one plans for the future. They are just waiting, waiting for something big to happen. I guess a land abandoned by God cannot be worse than this. 

Deep in my heart, I pray to Heaven for my country: may God through His mercy grant her a last chance! 

Miss Beiming came from Beijing and was a professional writer in China. She is currently a visiting scholar at Princeton University now.