Dear Xuanjun,  

Greetings!

As your good friend, I find once again, your wisdom like a shining drop of water rolling back and forth on a piece of glass. However, the vicissitudes of life cause the glass to shatter, recombine, and shatter again. It is as if there is no one place where it can settle down. I regret to say that your drops of wisdom rolled too fast and oftentimes contradicted each other. For instance, on the one hand you let out the sigh of an agnostic: "Who is able to know the will of God? Is there life after death? Man's reasoning capacity is limited." On the other hand, you make the assumption that everything can be known, and you demand proof through experience and science, the "reality of experience". Your mind is also filled with "already known" facts like: "god is neutral, neither good nor evil"; "a better life after death is someone's wishful thinking"; "Satan is a product of human invention"; "man is really not free to choose, whether by reason or by faith", etc. You set up similar terms like experimental proof, existential experience, historical truth, reality of experience, in contrast to the reality of faith. However, the terms you have chosen are such broad concepts that they actually exclude each other in some cases. Faith is a personal "life experience" and is also a grand and continuing "historical truth" of mankind. It is not affirmed by "experimental proof".

You have let your thoughts go wild and have lost control of yourself. In one instance you condemned theology, and then in another you leveled your accusation at the church. How can you rely on the criticism of some mediocre commentators to refute the value of Shakespeare's works ? At times you said you ventured deep into the realms of faith and then the next moment, you argued you will never find God. Is it possible to enter into the "reality of faith" without God? You indicated that you thought Shiaokong and I lived in two different realities, yet in your writing you asserted that the "reality of faith" is but an invention of our emotions to satisfy the need of the innate love and goodness that is in us. I wonder what do you really mean when you use the word "reality"?

 I worry for you, Xuanjuan, that your wisdom has lost itself under the battering of life. I am afraid that just you have said, you have become a loner, wandering and searching.

I have no intention of engaging you in a debate about metaphysics. This type of debate has been raging for over two thousand years and no one has come away with a clearer understanding, but only more confusion. I can tell you that true faith is not a theory, but a true experience of the inner self. 

You try so hard to distinguish the "reality of faith" and the "reality of experience". Let me ask you: if faith cannot be experienced through our daily lives, how "real" can this faith be? 

You said that the realization process in faith varies from people to people, and the end result is always different. You have overlooked the fact that all those who believe in Jesus have demonstrated a transformed life that leads them to pursue goodness even to the point of laying down their lives for their belief. This encompasses people from different cultures, different races, different social classes and different generations, and as you can tell, Lily and I are included. Even though faith does not need to be confirmed by experiments, isn't this wide- ranging mass transformation of million of peoples' lives, spanning generations, a most historical, personal, and significant "experiment of mankind"? 

From another perspective, indeed God cannot be examined by a telescope or under a microscope, otherwise He would not be infinite and eternal. Such a creator of heaven and earth would not be worthy of our worship. We all agree that "love" cannot be examined and tested in test tubes. Nevertheless it is the most important element of human life.

Jesus said, "God is spirit and his worshipers must worship Him in spirit and in truth." (John 4:24) Only "in spirit and in truth" can one see God. If we rely on our own limited wisdom and experiments, we will definitely not see God and we will be led to a false conclusion that there is no God.

As a good friend, I would venture to point out that all the things you said in the letter were things you have not yet "experienced". You are seeking a "reality of faith", but as yet you have not "entered" into one. You are standing outside and guessing what it is like inside while making comparisons with something called "reality of experience". As you were writing your letter, perhaps you were forgetting that I was someone who had just crossed over from "reality of experience" to "reality of faith". Much like you, I lived thirty-six years in the "reality of experience". I have experienced both "realities." But you, up to now, have never tasted the "reality of faith". Indeed, you have acquired many theories about faith, but faith is not a set of theories. It takes a personal commitment before you can experience it. That is why you cannot comprehend that the "reality of faith" is also a kind of "reality of experience". 

You know, in the past, Lily and I had lots of quarrels. Now that we both believe in Jesus, we are experiencing the sweetness of living in harmony. Maybe this is the kind of "experience" that you need to know. 

You do not have a first hand experience with God, yet you are accusing God as unjust and unrighteous. You complain that good people suffer while the evil ones prevail. From my experience after entering into a life with God, I can tell you that what the Bible says is true: "there is a time to sow and a time to reap" (Ecclesiastes 3:2) 

You also criticized theology and the church, mis-identifying them as God and faith. No, theology is not God, neither is the church, faith. Jesus said, "The Kingdom of God is in your heart." God lives in our hearts. If we focus on the shortcomings of theology and the church and overlook God Himself, we are missing the point. 

Throughout human history, people of different religions have tried various ways of reaching up to God. However, the omniscient God who knows the limit of human beings, came down from heaven in human form, as a man named Jesus, to reveal to us who He is. His word is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. It penetrates human hearts and judges our thoughts. Humbling ourselves in front of Jesus is the only way to know God. 

Many highly educated people have treated the Christian faith as a mere set of theories. They complain that the theory is not watertight and they discard it as unsound. This is unfortunate and wrong. Christian faith is not a product of human wisdom or the result of man's experiments. On the contrary, it is a total commitment of throwing oneself into God.  

We understand that a drop of water will never be able to grasp the immensity of the whole ocean; nevertheless, it can still sense the pulse of the ocean. Similarly, human beings will not be able to fully comprehend God, but they can experience God's presence. The whole Bible is a historical record of God's presence in the human realm, and the life of every Christian is a living testimony of God's presence with us today. 

Despite many trials and sufferings, I know Shiaokong is entering into the "reality of faith". How about you? When will your restless drops of wisdom stop getting in the way, so that your suffering soul can find rest? Whether we know God or not, God will not suffer any loss. It hurts us when we could live in God's peace and yet remain in our own restless state. We pray for you constantly. As soon as you put aside your pride and self-confidence, you will see the smiling face of God welcoming you. 

*****

Abridged from pg. 17, August 1995 issue of the Overseas Campus Magazine  

Mr. Yuan came from Beijing. He is now an editor and research staff of Overseas Campus Magazine.