Dear Child,

As I was driving down busy streets today, I was oblivious to the traffic because my mind was fully occupied by thoughts of you.

Tomorrow will be the day that you depart from this world. You must go because you will no longer be able to receive life sustaining nutrients from your mother’s womb. I could not help but cry. I wiped away the tears, but they kept coming back again and again. As I pictured in my mind how you will be torn to pieces, the bloody scene drove me to wail uncontrollably. Finally I decided to park my car in an open remote field where no one could see me so I could have a good cry. Little one, maybe it seems strange to you why I feel so sorry for your departure even though we have never met. Maybe I not only cry for you but also for your parents and myself!  

I cry for you because in these past two months I have tried numerous times to persuade your parents to keep you. I failed. I am sorry, child. You will not be able to come into this world to enjoy God’s beautiful creation, let alone the love of your parents and others. You will lose much -- too much!  

I cry for your parents. I know that maybe they do not really want to give you up; but I know for sure that they have free choice. Because of fear, they have decided to let you go. They are afraid that they are too young to raise you. They are afraid that you will "waste" too much time of their time and prevent them from getting their higher education degrees. They are afraid that they do not have enough money to raise you. They are also fearful that you may be born with defects because your mother took some over-the-counter medicine in the early days of her pregnancy. Dear child, they have "sufficient reasons" and were under much fear and struggle in making the decision not to keep you. I tried my best to tell them that your formation and growth are a great creation of God (Psalm 139:13-16). I tried to tell them that a child is a gift from God for those He deems worthy to be trusted with the responsibility of raising their young. Your parents really need not be afraid of these earthly problems because our Heavenly Father has said that if He will care for the flowers in the fields and the birds in the air, how much more will He care for us human beings whom He treasures most? (see Matt. 6:25-26) In fact, if your parents had been willing to give all these problems to God, He would bear all the responsibilities because He is the "Lord of life" and "Perfect love" who is able to conquer all fears and obstacles (see I John 4:18). It is unfortunate that your parents did not really know that God is the true master of life. Thus they decided to give up on you.

  Dear child, I also cry for myself. For so many years I have been hoping to have my own child but God has not granted my request. I feel it is not fair that your parents so easily conceived you, yet they do not treasure you. I have come across many similar women like your mother who give up their precious unborn children. I always ask God, "Lord, why do you give babies to those who do not desire to be mothers and let them torture the little babies instead of giving me the child I want so much?" So many times in prayer, I ask God why I should suffer the pain of being barren. Each time He has remained silent.

This time, after I failed to convince your parents to keep you, I broke down in front of the Lord. I pled with God not to let me preach the Gospel to someone like your parents anymore. Frankly, I admit I felt like the prophet Jonah who tried to flee from his calling because at that moment, I began to think that such murderous parents were not worthy of salvation. I did not have a heart large enough to face such people.

This time God answered my cry. He used two passages of the Scriptures to speak to me:

"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." (Matthew 5:45) He is a merciful God. He blesses those who know him and also those who do not know him.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103: 8-11) He is our gracious Heavenly Father and He desires us to come back to Him even when we have committed sins that displease Him. As long as we are willing to repent, He is waiting for us to come home. 

 Dear child, indeed God loves your parents deeply. As for me, I have finally understood God’s will for me. Although I still do not know why God delays in giving me my own child, He does not want me to become like the elder son in the parable of the prodigal son (see Luke 15:11-32), who accused his father of being unjust. He wants me to learn a lesson of love, and regardless of my personal liking, in my suffering and dependence on His grace and mercy, learn to communicate His love to those He loves.  

Dear child, though you have only lived a short two month period in your mother’s womb, I feel sad that you will not be able to come into this world. Yet throughout this whole process, God has shown me what kind of God He is and how unworthy I am to serve Him. Let me humbly bow down and ask God to grant me His love so that I can love your parents. Maybe someday they will come to know God and experience His mighty power and love, so they will no longer, out of fear, do things that displease Him!   

With Love,  

Aunt Dee 

Abridged from pg. 42, October 1995 issue of Overseas Campus Magazine