I was a staunch believer of materialism. I would not believe in anything unless it could be proven scientifically. I firmly believed that, given time, science would be able to explain and solve all the problems that we have today. Therefore it was very difficult for me to accept the existence of a supernatural, super-rational God. The miracles performed by Jesus and recorded in the Bible were like mythology to me. Many Christians had testified that miracles had happened in their lives. I put these stories in two categories: coincidences and psychological effects.

In 1990, I found a job in Los Angeles as a researcher in an optics company. This being my first job in this foreign country, I was determined to work especially hard to establish myself in this society.

In the first few months of my job, I practically did nothing but work. One day in a supermarket, I saw a young man pushing a cart and walking towards me. From the way he was dressed, I knew he was from Mainland China. Sure enough, after exchanging greetings and self- introductions, I found out he was a graduate of Beijing University majoring in Physics. He had received his doctoral degree in the States and had recently moved here for a job. I was so pleased to find someone who was of my similar background in this area.

In our conversations, Minghong told me that he was a Christian and earnestly invited me to go to church with him. I was astonished that such a person would ever become a Christian. My curiosity was piqued and I decided to find out what Christianity was about. So I accepted his invitation.

In the months that followed, I went with him to church to worship and participated in their Bible study groups from time to time. Every time I entered the church building, my heart felt a sense of warmth and peace. People naturally demonstrated their sincerity and acceptance. It was not necessary to put on my guard. I liked this kind of atmosphere. However, some questions still lingered in my head -- Does God truly exist? Where did man come from? Are there conflicts between science and Christianity? Would it affect my career if I should believe in Christianity?

At that time, since I knew very few people in the area, I had plenty of time to myself to ponder over these questions. I read lots of books concerning science and faith. I came to realize that time, space and material are all parts of God’s creation. Science is but the accumulated knowledge resulting from man’s study of this part of God’s creation. Therefore there should not be any conflicts between science and God. Even though by reasoning and logical deduction I could accept the possibility of God’s existence, it was still difficult emotionally to accept an invisible God. Many times I asked those newly baptized believers what prompted them to accept the Lord. The answers invariably were, "Just open your heart!" Open my heart? For someone who was used to thinking and analyzing everything, this proved difficult for me to understand.

Thus I was wandering between acceptance by my reasoning and doubting by my emotion. For quite a while, I was groping my way through my faith journey, until one Sunday when I passed by sister Chen on the staircase. Unexpectedly she asked me, "Have you accepted the Lord yet?" I was caught off guard and did not know how to respond. In the eyes of my non-believing friends, I was regarded a Christian because many times I had debated with them on issues concerning Christianity with my recently acquired and limited knowledge of Christianity. On the other hand, my Christian friends knew that I had not yet taken the crucial step of faith. Unwittingly, the words came out of my mouth, "I have believed."

Sister Chen was overjoyed because she had been praying for me for a long time. She said, "Very well, let’s pray together to commit yourself to the Lord." Since I could not renege on what I just said, I followed her in prayer and committed myself to the Lord.

After the prayer, it seemed a burden was lifted from me and my heart was filled with a sense of joy and peace. Suddenly I understood what it meant when they said, " Just open your heart!" Jesus said, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come and eat with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20)

Such a simple prayer of commitment brought amazing changes in my life. I was transformed from a proud and arrogant person to a person filled with thanksgiving. I became happier and worried less than I used to be.

However, the shadow of doubt had not been completely eradicated from my heart. Sometimes I still questioned myself -- "Is it true that God is with me every moment?" "Will God truly intervene with supernatural miracles in our modern society?"

On my job I was involved in a research project on the future massively parallel computers. My focus was on the application of optical signaling in an optical computer. To my own surprise, within a year our research group had successfully put together a prototype of a portable optical computer. In order to secure more research funding, together with one of our vice presidents of the company we went on a four-day trip to several government research centers to demonstrate the prototype. In four days in two different cities, we put on fourteen demonstrations.

On our first stop in Dayton Ohio, after the very first demo, the driver circuit board malfunctioned. For the next six appointments we were forced to use pre-recorded video tapes for our demonstrations. Friday night we flew to Washington D.C. in preparation for another series of demonstrations the coming Monday and Tuesday. Both my companion and I felt desperate and discouraged, because this driver board was purchased from Japan and modified for our own use. It was impossible to put together a new board over the weekend, nor was there anyone around who knew how to fix one. Yet without a live demonstration, the hope of obtaining research funding was next to nothing.

Leaving me alone in the hotel, my partner decided to spend the weekend with his son who lived in Maryland. I was despondent looking at that useless equipment. If we could not secure any funding, I would not be able to survive in this company.

Sunday morning I felt I should go to church. So I walked to a nearby church. Throughout the service, I was praying to God to help me. At the time there was a nagging voice in my head, "It is a fact that the board is broken. How can God help you to restore it?" And I conceded, "Yes, it is true. I guess prayer would not help."

After the service, I returned to the hotel and was preparing to visit some friends who lived in Maryland. Suddenly a powerful thought came into my head urging me to pray one more time. For the first time I knelt down beside the bed, putting aside all my pride and doubts, and prayed to God, "Oh God, please perform a miracle. Help me to conduct good demonstrations in the coming two days. Help me to experience you!"

After the prayer a thought came to my mind, "The board is restored and will function normally." I rose and turned on the machine right away. A miracle happened! It was working perfectly. I called the vice president right away and he was skeptical and asked me whether I could guarantee its proper function during the next two days. My response was it should be able to. Then he told me to run the machine for a longer period of time to see if it was just a fluke.

I changed my mind about visiting my friends and instead invited them over to my hotel room and showed them the prototype optical computer. The machine worked faultlessly for three hours.

In the following two days, each time before I turned on the machine I prayed to God in my heart for a successful demonstration. All went well until the end of the last demonstration. Just when I was about to turn off the machine, the board malfunctioned again.

On the returning flight, I was very joyful and grateful. For God had proven to me what a faithful and loving God He is. He is with me every moment. He let me experience Him and His truthfulness in a way that I could not deny. God opened my eyes to see that His will is higher than ours and His wisdom is higher than ours. He is sovereign and works according to His own time table. I know He holds my tomorrows in His hand.

*****

Dr. Lu came from Anhui Province, China. He obtained a Ph.D. degree from Pennsylvania State University and is now working in northern California.