He purchased a ticket to return home the day he received his permanent residence status (green card).

It had been five years since he left home. "Are Mom and Dad still healthy? And what about my friends?" The winding path among the rice paddies, the green vegetables carpeting the slopes of the hills, the rain, the swollen pond where he used to catch mud suckers, and Mom’s delicious homemade soft tacos -- all were still so vivid in his memory. Oh, yes ... and her. Could it be she had married and had her own children? Had he not left home to study abroad, he definitely would have married her, a beautiful, lovely girl.

He had worked hard in the States. He earned his degree and found a job. With his ability and grand efforts, he made out quite well in that competitive environment. However he found it difficult to find his true love.

He had dated a few girls who were of similar background, but they did not work out. Some complained that he was not a U.S. citizen; some said that he was not "Americanized" enough; others belittled him for not being able to afford a house or an expensive car.

He tried to date American girls too. They did not work out either. There were simply too many differences between them. Language was a problem. Cultural background was another big hurdle to overcome, which prevented more intimate communication. Being over thirty, at times he felt loneliness nibbling at his heart. Facing the vast sea of humanity, where could he find his true love?

In her letter Mom had said, "Our neighbor, your schoolmate's son is already old enough to do errands by himself. Why are you still so picky in choosing your mate?" What could he say? In this country nobody cared for you and no one needed your care. It was not like in China, where friends and relatives would help set up opportunities for you to meet other girls. "Go home. There is no place better than home", he decided.

For this trip home, Mom had already hand-picked several candidates for him to meet.

A month later, he returned empty handed and discouraged.

Those friends whom he missed so much in his dreams were all busy making money. No one had any spare time to slow down to chat with him. And her. He did not even get a chance to see her. He heard that she had married a Japanese cook and moved to Japan. And those dates hand-picked by mom? They could hardly find any common ground in their conversations. The differences between them were so great that he could not break through even though he tried his best. One time his sister said jokingly, "You are no longer a Chinese nor an American. It's going to be hard to find someone for you. You are probably going to stay single for the rest of your life." Staying single, what does that matter! He did not want to be driven by loneliness to marry someone carelessly. None of the girls tenderly said to him, "When will you come back again? I'll wait for you." Quite a few said instead, "Can I visit you in the United States?" He told them, "America is not as good as you think. Life is very tough for many overseas students over there." "Tough? Isn't America like heaven?" They would not believe it. Heaven? For a few, it may be. As for him it was a battle field, a lonely place where no one would wipe away your tears.

Back again from the trip, he did not know how to write to his mom. Unexpectedly, the home sweet home that he dreamed of so many times, had now become quite foreign to him. He was deeply hurt. Was it because he had lived abroad for so long that he could no longer get use to the things of his own hometown? What could he do now? This newly adopted country was not his home. Where could his love find its home?

*****

Ms. Zien came from Mongolia and now lives in Texas.