I was born into a poor family in a farmer's village in northern Chiansu. At a young age I followed my father to the city for my study. As I recall, there was no laughter, no candy nor flowers in my childhood. There was a tremendous gap between living in the city and in the country side. The contrast was so great that it was like a dark cloud hanging over my tender heart. However, it also became the impetus for my desire for a better life. I felt I needed to succeed -- I had all the expectations of my family resting on my shoulders; I could not fail; I just needed to make it.

I grew up with all these pressures. Not only did I graduate from college, I also earned my master and doctoral degrees and found a good job. Within a few years, I had published dozens of articles in science journals both domestic and international. The results of my research were quoted and adopted widely in my field. I also received many awards. My life which was gloomy and dull had become colorful. I also noticed the change of attitude of the people around me, from disdain to admiration. Frankly speaking, my achievements had surpassed my own childhood dreams.

However, all of these achievements did not bring me lasting satisfaction. My heart was still empty. Each success brought me brief excitement, but quickly the sense of loss and bewilderment would overtake me. I was searching and longing for something – what it was, I did not even know.

Growing up in poverty and adversity, I had seen all kinds of evil and experienced harsh reality. However I firmly believed that innate human nature was good. I believed our conscience was the ultimate governor of our life. As long as we lived by our conscience, we would be able to keep ourselves from evil. As to the kind of love proclaimed by Christianity, I flatly rejected it. Christianity found its roots in Deism and I was an atheist. I could not accept it.

Like many other young people of China, I dreamed of studying abroad. I had had several opportunities to go to the United States and Canada to study, but for one reason or another, all these doors were closed. Finally, after a series of "coincidences", I landed in Paris to further my studies.

In Paris I met a friend from Canada who was doing post-doctoral work in a renowned university in France. He was very smart, yet he was very kind and hospitable, and he was also a very devoted Christian. I was amazed that such a highly educated and intelligent person would believe in something so foolish and ridiculous. Yet there was something in him that greatly attracted me. He shared Bible passages with me and gave me a copy of the Bible. We discussed issues about God from social, historical and scientific perspectives. I started to ponder these issues seriously. For the first time in my life I started to closely examine the theory of evolution which we had accepted as "fact" since our junior high years. After analyzing its assumptions, I began to see for myself that evolutionary teaching had achieved very little compared to the challenges and failures it entailed. On the other hand, with a critical spirit I started to study the Bible. Many times I would pick out certain passages that I thought contradicted each other or went against the spirit of science, and debated them with my Christian friends. However, time and time again, I was proved wrong because of my bias or misunderstanding. I was shocked, but a new world of knowledge was opening up for me. The word of God pierced my heart. My once-deemed mature and well thought out logic could not stand up against the Word of the Bible. In fact, my long search for answers concerning life and the world turned out to be found in the Bible.

I used to look at myself as a man of integrity. When I started reading the Bible, God's word was like a powerful light shinning through to my innermost darkness. I started to see my own pride, selfishness and hypocrisy. I realized I might appear to be a fine person, but inside I was filled with a sinful nature. I am a sinner indeed.

I was convinced both rationally and emotionally. However, it was still a big step to accept the faith. There were still lots of unsolved questions in the Bible for me, and lots of challenges that came with it. On the one hand, I hoped to solve all the questions I had before making my decision; on the other, I knew there are issues that are beyond the comprehension of our finite reasoning. With the encouragement of several friends, I decided to accept the Lord.

A year has gone by. As I look back, I cannot not help but praise God. Indeed, I have experienced his great love, power and faithfulness. I have tasted heavenly peace, and have experienced a great change in my life. It was indeed the best decision I have ever made -- one I know I will never regret!

At first it seemed I should get the credit for my salvation, because with my reasoning I examined Him; with my emotion I searched for Him; and with my faith I accepted Him. However, I understand now that all I did was because of Him. He was at the door knocking. Before I knew Him, as a sinner, He already loved me and prepared a way for me. At the critical moment of decision making, I know it was the Holy Spirit who brought me through all the tests. All the things I did were but a response to His knock at the door of my heart.

My life has entered into a brand new chapter. Though the journey is still long and I know I will still face times of confusion and weakness, I firmly believe that He will lead me through the journey just as he has done until now. I share my testimony with a prayer in my heart. I pray that you, dear reader, may be touched by God and become His child to enjoy the abundant life that He has in store for you. Life is short. There is not much that we can accomplish. I pray that you will not miss the opportunity to undertake the most important pursuit of life -- seeking God.

*****

Shieh See came from Jiangsu. He did post-doctoral research in France and was baptized in Paris. He is now working in China.