OCM Vol24 Page35 An Olive Tree In the House of God

Ever since my childhood and all the way through college, I had always believed that I was the smartest person that ever lived. Not only had I constantly been labeled as a highly gifted child ever since I started to have memory, but my own achievements in later years had also seemed to prove that I was not bad at all: various contests and honors, published poetry and prose… whatever I did always seemed to be nothing but success and whatever I did always seemed to earn nothing but applause. As a result, adolescent arrogance started to creep into my personality. Because of my impressive "achievements", I also became a very special member in my family. My parents and my brothers and sisters were all Christians who loved the Lord, all except me. I even claimed that I was my own master and that there were no saviors in the world. Sometimes I laughed at other members of my family for their ignorance and superstition. My parents tolerated my lack of awe because they didn't want to hurt my pride. My mother had enough patience to pray for me constantly, hoping the Gospel would touch my heart one day. Her prayers often made me laugh.

When I was in college, I was a pretty favorable figure in society. I was young. My extraordinary ability and outstanding achievements stood out above everybody else. I even won the favor of a few key political figures, who promised me a bright future. I often saw myself as a huge bird spreading out wings and dashing toward the skies. I was completely self-contented as if I had already obtained all the riches and honors in the world.

The political event in 1989 quickly dashed my dreams to pieces. The wish of holding high political posts and getting rich was vaporized. The cruelty of the world and the falsehood of the "isms" had waken me up. It was also in the same year that my self-confidence had demonstrated its true weak self, which was the ultimate result of disappointment in human faith. Facing investigation, false charges and punishment, I was confused and didn't know what to do. I lost all my hope. I attempted to commit suicide, but the Lord saved me. His loving, warm and forever reliable hand assured me and kept my cold life going.

In retrospect, I really must thank the Lord for His grace. Had it not been His salvation, how could I have made anything out of the materialistic world? Had it not been His salvation, how could I have satisfied my mind of turmoil? How long can riches last, the riches that nobody can bring with them when they come nor carry with them when they go? Where can we find an eternal dwelling place for our soul without peace? He who depends upon himself lives in hopelessness, sadness and aimlessness. He who depends upon himself lives in labor and weariness. Nobody in the world can escape that.

Thanks and praises to the Lord who has given us an assured hope: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Mt. 11:28) Yes, I have obtained my peace of mind and satisfaction through our Lord Jesus Christ.

My mother had once made a vow to give one of her sons to the Lord. She wished her eldest son could be it, but he wasn't willing. She then turned to her second, but that plan also didn't seem to get anywhere. My mother was very sad and sighed that she wasn't among the chosen. Some of her friends said to her jokingly: Why not pray for the youngest? My mother replied bitterly: If only he had believed and that would have been a miracle. But her third son in whom she had had the least confidence not only believed in the Lord but was later willing to give himself to the Lord. My mother was so happy that she wept.

I often feel that I have received the Lord's grace the most. I also feel that I am not worthy of it. Therefore I always want to do the best I can when I have a chance to spread the Gospel and serve the Lord. I became an evangelist in China for several years, in which I was all over the place testifying the Lord's grace. At times there were hardships and tests, and I was weak sometimes too. But the Lord always strengthened me in a timely manner. The Apostle Paul had said: "… I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish…" (Ph. 3:8) This is also my wish and my self-encouragement.

In 1995 I came to study in the Christian Workers' Seminary in America. More than one year has passed. Because of insufficient supplies, I sometimes have to skip a few meals; other times I have to work very hard to earn minimum wages. But the Lord has become my constant help and assurance. He is also my comfort. "But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever." (Ps. 52:8)

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Abridged from page 35,August 1997 issue of Overseas Campus Magazine.

The author came from Mainland China. He now studies in a seminary in north California.