I was still an elementary school kid when I first encountered Marxism and Leninism. It was under the regime of the Nationalist.

In 1937, the Japanese suddenly launched the War against China at Lu-gou Bridge. The very thought of belonging to a conquered nation intensified my desire for socialism. I believed that only the Communist Party could save China!

The Temple of Heavens became unsafe. The situation became so intensified that my brother, who worked in Hong Kong, wrote and asked me to go to Hong Kong. So I decided to accompany my mother and niece to Hong Kong and I planned to come back later.

In September of 1948, we went aboard a ship and set out from Tianjin. Following ten days of struggle in the sea we arrived in Hong Kong. Soon I fell ill and I was confined to bed for three months. During that time, China underwent dramatic changes. Both Beijing and Tianjin were liberated. One year later, the entire country was liberated. With great joy my whole family came back to Guangzhou. Seeing the Red Flag flying in the wind, we were all very excited. Oh my home country! How long had I dreamed for the advent of the socialist country! Now all had come true. I almost knelt down and kissed the soil.

After I came back to Guangzhou, I quickly found a job. I became an operator on an electric boat under the Pearl River Irrigation Bureau. It was my dream to participate in building our country. Now that my dream had come true, I was full of happiness. During that time, a couple of my merchant friends came from Tianjin on route to Hong Kong. They asked if I could go with them and help out. They said one day would be enough, two to three the most. Since I was pretty much idle at home, I agreed to go with them. So I went to the public security bureau to obtain an exit visa. The head of the bureau was a good friend of mine, and he delivered my application in person to the responsible department. I obtained the approval in three days. After I went to Hong Kong, I fell ill again. This time my illness was so serious that I couldn't even move in bed. At that time, the Anti-reactionaries Movement was being carried out. The head of the public security bureau was thrown into the dungeon because of me. He was alleged to have helped a reactionary escape to a foreign country. The allegation was considered anti-revolutionary and he could die because of that. My brother was extremely worried and he wrote to me several times and urged me to come back and testify. With great honesty, I wrote an 8-page letter of vindication in which I completely described my past. I told them that the reason I couldn't come back was because of my illness, and that they could send some people down here to literally carry me back if they really wanted me to testify. The letter was effective and my innocent friend, head of the Bureau, was released without charge.

One movement followed another and political struggles were also intensified, to the extent that I was not able to go back to China any more. Twice did I try to go back, but I had to give up because of my poor health. This was no coincidence. If the invisible God had not protected me, I could have become a martyr, or a traitor; either way would have been a dead end to me.

Then came the Three Red Flags Movement in China. What I liked the most was the People's Commune, which I thought was the highest form of socialist ideology. I was excited that we were finally there. However, some of the reactionary newspapers in Hong Kong claimed that the Mainland was suffering from severe famine and tens of thousand of people had starved to death. It was pure nonsense! I didn't believe a thing. I considered this rumor from the reactionaries. But then a new kind of business emerged in the streets of Hong Kong, and that really put my faith to test. A lot of small businesses suddenly appeared in the streets, and they sold canned pork oil. A lot of people bought these cans. They didn't really eat it; they had it deliver to their relatives in the Mainland. Pork oil was supposed to be thrown away. Now it suddenly became expensive nutrition. My brother wrote and asked for this expensive nutritious food. I had to do what he asked for. When he received it, he wrote to me and said that he was very happy and he asked if I could send him some more. I was dumbfounded. Was the famine true in China?

A good friend of mine, a Party member, was a high-ranking official in a Chinese government institute in Hong Kong. He had a brother, who just graduated from college and became an engineer in Hunan. One day, news came that his brother committed suicide in the Cultural Revolution. My friend was extremely sad and he cried for the entire night. The second day, his boss asked him what he thought about the incident. He had to fight off his tears and sharply criticized his brother. His boss was contented, but my friend still got demoted. When I heard of his story, I was greatly puzzled. Then I also read from other newspapers about the Cultural Revolution, blood-shedding, murdering, etc. I still couldn't quite believe it all. At last I decided to go back to China. I wanted to see with my own eyes what was really going on.

I came back to Guangzhou. The streets were pretty much empty. I only saw numerous military trucks loaded with Red Guards rushing through the streets. Deafening amplifiers were making continuous noise. Police were nowhere to be seen. Roadblocks were everywhere. Dead bodies were hung on the trees along the riverside boulevard, an extremely horrible scene. I couldn't believe my own eyes.

Oh my home country! How many of us had given up their precious lives and had shed their blood just for you? And how could this be what they had fought for?

The next day, I dragged myself back to Hong Kong. A sense of hopelessness overwhelmed me. All was over! All my hope was gone! How could this be? My ten years worth of dream was completely shattered. My whole life had become hopeless. Politics? I was not interested any more. It became a big sarcasm to me. I hated myself for my ignorance and stupidity! I started to drink a lot and I was addicted to it. Now that I was not involved in politics, running a small business sounded like a good idea. I could at least make a little money and be happy!

I used to be involved in a business of construction materials. Since the Cultural Revolution, a wave of emigration spread throughout Hong Kong. Local leftists threw home-made bombs everywhere, breaking social tranquillity and robbing good citizens of peace of mind. Rich people rushed abroad one after another. Then an opportunity came to me and I ended up emigrating to Canada and managing a restaurant for a friend of mine. Why did I come here? Was it to build up a new career or was it to escape from my home country that saddened me?

For several months I was tired of meeting anyone. Then one morning my door bell rang and in came an acquaintance of mine. He heard that I was going to open up a restaurant and so our conversation subject was confined to running business and finding an appropriate location for the restaurant and so on. Then he suddenly took a look at his watch and said: "I got to go." I said: "Come on now. It's only ten o'clock. Still early. Do you have to work on Sundays?" He said: "I don't work on Sundays. I am going to church."

Not even once had I ever been to church in my twenty years of life in Hong Kong. In fact I had had bad feelings about all religious and superstitious events. I believed religion was poison and an imperialist means that benumbed us. Lots of people invited me to church but I rejected them all; I had also been given fliers and brochures, but I tore them to pieces and threw them to the ground. I believed in human capabilities, and I never believed in any spiritual savior! I was pretty stiff-necked.

Things were changed, however. Now I couldn't even fight against cold weather, let alone anything else. I was confined to indoors and I couldn't go anywhere. Furthermore, I was constantly being bothered by those questions: How did China become like this? Looking at myself, I found I was well into my middle ages and yet I didn't make any achievement. What was the ultimate goal of my life? I realized I had very little wisdom and less ability. One day an idea caught me off guard: Maybe I should go to church and just listen. Perhaps I could learn a bit more about life.

There was a little church close to where I lived. About a month before my friend came to visit me, I ventured into a church for the first time in my life. The church was full of westerners. They were very polite and invited me to come in. I took a seat and, staring at the cross on the stage, I couldn't help laughing at myself: Is this really you, the hard-hearted atheist? The assembly began, and I followed everybody singing hymns. I didn't really know how to sing but I pretended I was a pious member of the assembly. Then the pastor took over and he began to read from the Bible. My English was not that good but it should have been sufficient. On that day, however, I couldn't understand a word. Then came some rituals before the assembly dispersed. I went there a couple of times and didn't learn a thing. So I quit. Later I learned that the pastor was reading the Bible in Latin. No wonder I didn't understand. Now I was glad I had an opportunity to go to a Chinese church. So I chose to go with my friend.

It was a little Chinese church. The pastor had already started his sermon. I chose to sit at the last row, guaranteeing myself an early exit if the sermon was uninteresting. Interestingly, every single word the pastor uttered seemed to be designed for me. Some of his talks made me feel uneasy; others were absolutely true. When he touched on the subject of love, I realized I had never heard of unselfish love. Since my childhood, I had been taught that there was no true love and that there was only hatred. Communist theories were all about class struggle and class struggle was the only positive force for social progress. What was love? Love was softness, something worthless.

The pastor's sermon attracted me and so I went to church every week.

Once I had a very positive impression on the pastor's sermon, and I still remember it. He quoted a verse from the Book of Jeremiah (17:9): The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? All of a sudden, these words awakened me. The problem we had in China was not due to inadequacy of socialist theories but it was due to human hearts. Despite all the sound theories and ideologies, who were to execute them? Human beings were. Unfortunately, human hearts were deceitful and beyond cure and selfish, which determined that good theories become deteriorating while being executed. How could a bunch of selfish people practice the theory of Do all you can and take all you need? So a deceitful heart was the culprit of all problems! I very much wanted to know how to solve this problem. I believed that China would be hopeful if all 1.2 billion Chinese people managed to change their deceitful hearts. After the assembly, I went to the pastor and he simply said: "Simple. Believe in Jesus and you will change. Jesus not only can change your heart, he can also save your soul." He opened the Bible and showed me a verse that read: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. The pastor said: "Eternal life is the life of the Lord. Believe in Jesus, and He will enter your heart and your old deceitful heart will be powerless." I was extremely glad because now China had hope after all. I wanted to believe in Jesus. So the pastor guided me through praying and, in repentance, I accepted Jesus as my savior. I was saved! Then joy filled my heart and I wept. I wept not because I was sad, but because I was rejoiced. When I went home that day, a miracle happened to me: ever since the Cultural Revolution I had had to take a drink with every meal and I couldn't eat without a large glass of brandy. On that day, I simply forgot to drink. Even when I remembered and brought out the bottle, I was not interested in the drink any more. My bad habit had disappeared; my life had been changed! My faith in Jesus not only cured my deceitful heart, it also eliminated my bad habit. This miracle strengthened my faith. I wanted to spread the Gospel to all Chinese people!

Oh my home country! Now that I obtain the Way to salvation, how can I keep it away from you?