Life Is Short

by Chen Yuan

In the early 70's,while I was still in elementary school, one of our neighbors who had just graduated from middle school, went 'down to the countryside'in a rural area of Heilongjiang Province. She was just a little thing but she did really well there. After a political article of hers in a magazine won the favor of a certain leader, she became 'a model for all educated youth' in that area. Invitations poured in and she was constantly out running seminars and giving speeches. Many middle school students were so influenced by her that they gave up their opportunities to stay in the city and instead they too took up the challenge of 'settling in the countryside'. Whenever she came home, we would all sit around her listening to her talking about the wonderful mystical life of the educated youth in the countryside.There were many envious parents too who tried to figure out how such an ordinary family had managed to produce such a wonderful daughter.

It was only ten years later, as we saw hundreds of these 'educated youth' pouring back to the city that we finally realized that rural life had not been all that fine - and that 'the call of the great leader' had destroyed an entire generation. She too failed to stay on in the countryside. She came back to Shanghai, lonely, hurt and jobless. Those parents whose children had gone to the countryside because of her speeches would come up to her and spit out their anger and loathing. Everybody kept a safe distance from her as if she had an infectious disease. Our parents wouldn't let us go near her either. Later on she became a worker in a small local factory. When she was well into her 30's she married a co-worker who had also been an educated youth in the countryside. Last year I had an opportunity to go back to Shanghai and went to visit them. The three of them were living in a tiny room with their parents. Both husband and wife were unemployed - they were living thoroughly miserable lives. When I reminded her of her past, she was extremely sad.. Her sallow wrinkled face made it hard for me to believe that this was the aggressive and successful young person I had once known.

Xiao Li was one of our best friends in college. She was very pretty. Pretty girls always attract the boys. I remember we used to take classes together in the same department building and at recess time, whenever she appeared out in the quadrangle facing the building male students would gather on the galleries on all five floors of the building to admire her. She had great academic records and she had integrity too. She was picked to take charge of student activities in the department and was also elected a model student. There was no doubt that this beautiful girl had a wonderful future opening up before her.

One summer before we headed home for vacation, we all promised to keep in touch with one another throughout the break. We all wrote to her too - but there were no replies to our letters. Then summer was over and we all headed back to college, all except her. We guessed she must have enjoyed her vacation so much that she had forgotten all about her best friends at college. Our teacher, however, brought us a sad story, one that we could hardly believe: Xiao Li had died of leukemia ! And one month was all it had taken to end her life. Oh ! how could we ever associate a brilliant individual like her with death?

We went to her funeral. Young Xiao Li lay there quietly. She was still pretty and young, and we could still sense her intelligence. But nothing seemed to be real any more. It was all empty and meaningless! The hallway was filled with her mother's mournful wails. "Why did you go away? why...?" "I only have two children. So few, so very few. Oh Heaven! Why was one of them taken away?" "Your life had barely started..." We girls all wept together. Those who never wanted to cry in front of boys wept too. We wept because we were sad. We wept because we had begun to be afraid of life.

Although our successes and failures are all pre-ordained from the moment we are born, we still spend our entire life searching for the secret of success. But what is success? A lot of money? A shining crown? A well-respected position? Ultimate power? We keep searching.. But we become confused when life presents us with the unpredictable and an ever changing world. We claim high-mindedly that money is not everything, but we desperately believe in our hearts that a life of poverty would be impossible. We all condemn the human selfishness which dominates society, but we never hesitate to climb up the food chain at the expense of others. We appear to have no interest in worldly values, but we cannot help measuring our own living standard against pretty much everybody around us, acquaintances or otherwise, far or near, relatives or enemies. When all is well, we often pray for God to continue to protect us. When things go wrong, we cry out: "Oh Heaven! Where is your justice?"

Can we call it success if we gain the entire world? Indeed by worldly standards, the entire world would be way too much. We would count it success if our life merely attracted other people's envy or jealousy, if only there were flowers and applause, if we had people working under us, or if we could feel people watching us from behind. But please do not forget that it will all be meaningless if we gain the entire world but forfeit our souls. We have all heard of these words, but how many of us have really understood them?

The author came from Shanghai. She now works in the Agriculture University in Texas.