Survival and the Dream

A discussion with Ms. Gu-yun

By Zhou Xiao-an

Ms. Gu-yun published her story Good Dreams Are Hard to Find on Page 24 of 29^th issue of Overseas Campus. Her story really got me thinking. At the end of the article, the editor challenged readers: "Do you have any suggestions for Si-si caught in this dilemma between dream and reality? You are welcome to write to her and give your opinions. Please limit your writing to 500 words or less."

Although I very much wanted to write in and share my opinion, I was afraid the 500-word limit was too rigid for me to express what I had in mind. But maybe if my response were written in the form of a discussion with Ms. Gu-yun, I could be excused from the word-limit.

Ms. Gu-yun described how she first met Si-si in the following words: "When I first met her, she looked like a high school girl newly arrived from China. She had a round face, short hair, her pale complexion contrasting with her large dark eyes. There were two dimples at the corners of her mouth. She was very attractive."

Nevertheless, Si-si's difficult life-situation was leaving its obvious and unmistakable mark on her: "Si-si was looking thinner every day. Her short bouncy hair grew longer and longer. Her big eyes seemed little changed, but the two dimples had almost disappeared... She cried a lot. Her neighbor often came in to comfort her, but she either kept on crying or simply stared at her refusing to say a word."

Her experience reminded me of the flowers along the street after a cloudburst. If life batters us as the rainstorm batters down the flowers, then we are left bereft of hope.

Si-si's experiences were not all that dramatic, but they were certainly typical, clearly reflecting those of many Chinese people who have come abroad in search of their dreams, only to find themselves caught in the conflict between dream and survival. "The very first thing for most Chinese people when they came to America was to survive. They couldn't dream till they had survived. Si-si's problem was that she put the dream first and she didn't want to think about survival until it was absolutely necessary to do so. Perhaps she had never seriously thought about survival."

But what is our dream for our life? Ms. Gu-yun wrote in her story: "Who doesn't hope for a nice job and who doesn't long to live with the one they love?"

Such a life-dream does not sound too difficult to attain, does it? For the majority of Chinese people who come abroad in search of their dreams, however, such a dream is simply an unrealistic luxury. No wonder newcomers are often puzzled when they see that many flesh and blood Chinese people have become like robots since coming to America. They go to work day and night. When it comes to picking a research field or finding a job, personal interests never come into it - it is the field which promises easy job hunting that they pick, the job that makes the most money that they take.

In one brief story, Ms. Gu-yun has clearly demonstrated to us the two paths in human life: one, the one most overseas Chinese choose, is survival; the other, the one that Si-si and a few others pick, is the dream. Facing these two paths ahead of them, many Chinese people are forced to favor survival, while at the same time they are like Ms. Gu-yun who finds it hard to completely ignore her dream. It is a common dilemma for all overseas Chinese; you must choose one or the other, but not both.

If for "survival" we substitute "realism" and for "dream", "idealism", then it is not hard to see that what Chinese people facing is the same dilemma that all mankind has always faced, and that is the conflict between idealism and reality.

If we want to overcome our survival worries, it is necessary to find the cause of these worries. It is like a doctor having to find the cause of the disease before there can be a cure. Jesus points out that worries come from a miscalculation of values, e.g., materialistic possessions are often favored over life. "Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" (Matthew 6:25)

Miscalculation of values, as Jesus points out, is a phenomenon of human history both at home and overseas. A Chinese idiom has it: "Man dies for wealth and a bird dies for food." Make money to live and live to make money is a life style which has become a popular philosophy. We are all so used to this kind of miscalculation of values that we no longer see any problem with it. Although making money to live makes a lot of sense, the goal of living is far more than just making money. So Jesus tells us that this kind of human philosophy is a direct cause of all worries in life.

But what has caused us to favor materialistic possessions over life?

Jesus further tells us that we favor materialistic possessions over life because we are not able to measure the value of life. In the old days when we were in China we might have disliked our life but we didn't worry about life. Now that we are in foreign countries, we do not dislike our life any more, but we worry about life. According to a survey, the number one motivation for overseas Chinese to make money is not materialistic pleasure. Materialistic pleasure is listed at seventh place. The top motivation is seeking a sense of security.

While Chinese people believe in wealth as a basic life-value, Jesus shows us the love of God. He told us: "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:26) He further said: "See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If this is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" (Matthew 6:28-30)

We worry about life because we are ignorant of life's eternal value. We are ignorant of the eternal value of life because we are ignorant of our Heavenly Father and His love. When we do not know that the Heavenly Father and His love are the true foundation for our life-values, we attempt to find substitutes. Many of us see wealth as the basic life-value, thereby not only under-estimating the value of life, but also generating endless worries in life. Through the birds in the sky and the lilies in the field, Jesus wants us to see our Heavenly Father's love, and this is the true basis for life's value.

But why are we ignorant of the love of our Heavenly Father?

Jesus further tells us a more fundamental cause of worry, and that is that we know our limits but we are not willing to accept our limitations. As a result, we have a strong faith in our own abilities and we expect always to be in control. We do not trust in anything that is beyond our own resources. On the other hand, however, we are acutely conscius of many of things around us which are not under our control.And so we struggle under this dilemma. No wonder we have so many worries.

Jesus exposes our limitations: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" (Luke 12:25-26) Here Jesus not only uncovers our fundamental limits (the limits of life), he also teaches us to readily accept our limitations. Man, as a created being, does not have a choice whether he exists or not, nor is he able to control his existence. Our very existence is a gift of grace. It takes a grateful heart to receive this gracious gift, to readily accept our own limitations and to not place too much reliance on ourselves.

Finally, Jesus points out the fundamental cause of our worries in life - lack of faith: "O you of little faith!" (Matthew 6:30) When we do not have a good relationship with our Heavenly Father, we will not have faith in Him; nor are we going to know His love.

Because we do not know our Heavenly Father and His love, we make two fundamental mistakes: (1) we devalue eternal life and favor transient material possessions over life, and (2) we exaggerate our own limited abilities. The combination of the two mistakes becomes the root of our worries in life.

So, then, Jesus shows us the way to overcome our worries, and that is through knowing our Heavenly Father and His love. This is also the core truth the entire Bible reveals to us: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

Si-si, do you know your Heavenly Father's love?

The author came from China. He earned his Ph.D. in physics and now he lives in Vancouver.