Keep Remembering

By Xing Xue

"Know your enemies"

My generation grew up under a succession of revolutionary movements. Now I have become a believer in the Lord, and this is not only because I have been convinced by the arguments of the Bible and Christian teachings, but also because of the love and care of Christians and the testimonies of their lives. Human beings are not plants. They have feelings. And so my heart, twisted and wounded over many years and turned skeptical, cold, defensive and stubborn, has finally been melted by the overflowing love of our Heavenly Father.

When I was working in a medical school in Germany, I received some evangelistic tracts from my aunt who was a visiting scholar in the Netherlands. This was my first exposure to Christianity. One Christmas, I visited the city of Rotterdam and went to church with my aunt. The church did not seem to be as gloomy or dark as the description in The Hunchback of Notre Dame; instead it was full of light and joy. There were earnest believers performing religious rituals that reminded me of our Mao worship in the old days.

Since I had found myself in this situation, I thought I ought to try to learn something about this part of western culture. So I ordered a few videotapes from a Chinese library in Germany. For me with my seemingly unquenchable thirst for science, these tapes raised some real question marks. In terms of trying to make sense of the world, once ridiculous theories like Creationism or idealism did not seem to be so irrational after all. I wrote to the publishers and they printed my correspondence in their newsletter. I had chosen my words very carefully because I didn't want to get into political trouble. To my surprise, this small piece of writing of mine turned out to be the first of a whole series of bold evangelistic articles which I had published in America five years later.

Actually, what impressed me the most was the Jesus video. When Jesus was being crucified, he asked God to forgive his executioners. Such love and compassion was absolutely unique! I had heard great stories about the martys of the Revolution, but Jesus was unique in that he did not die for his party or his comrades; rather he died for all of us, even for his enemies. His remarkable personality and his wonderful death were indescribable. As the Bible says, "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:7-8)

"They cared for us"

After I went to work in Britain at Wales Medical School, I started thinking I should "taste the pear" myself. So I went to Chinatown and found a Cantonese Christian church. Pastor Wang Xing greeted me warmly. That same evening he came to visit me with a couple of Cantonese-speaking overseas Vietnamese, Mr. Wen and Mr. Lin. As new arrivals in "the lonely isles", we immediately sensed their warmth. From that time on every Sunday Brother Lin gave us a ride to church. One of them offered to translate the Cantonese into Mandarin for us. And every Wednesday, they came to our home to help us study the Bible one on one.

Church members also invited us on outings: picking berries, collecting seashells or inviting us to dinner. We were quite nervous about these activities because in China everybody knows that any free dinner must have strings attached. People would either be asking a favor of you or be responding to a favour you had done for them. I said to myself: I am just a poor homeless student. I have nothing to offer them, so why are they treating me like this? From childhood, I had been told that there was no such thing as unconditional love. But now I realized that not only did such love exist, but it existed in the "ever deteriorating" "imperialist nest". I was deeply moved. Although I knew very little about the teachings of the Bible, I could taste its truth in these believers who loved their Lord and who loved their brothers. It was their love that completely changed us and led us to admit and believe that the ultimate source of their selflessness had to be something that was true, good and beautiful.

I had been deceived in the past and my experience prompted me to be careful in dealing with new ideas. So I took out some books dealing with the five great religions of the world so that I could do some comparative studies. It did not take long for me to see that among all the religions that preached human good, only Christ was the true God. He is alive and he has lived in the hearts of thousands of believers for generation after generation. He lives to continually change the world. During the Cultural Revolution we were only mimicking Christian rituals as we followed a movement devoted to a man-made god; but we never came close to demonstrating Christian love. It was not long before the Cultural Revolution vaporized and what remained was merely a laughingstock for posterity. But Jesus remains and he lives in our hearts forever. So I stepped outside myself and invited God to enter my heart and be my savior.

Poor but warm

I enrolled in a postdoctoral program in America's New Jersey Medical School. The Pastor saw us off at the bus stop as we headed for London airport. He had given us the phone number of a church in New Jersey and urged us not to leave the household of God. As soon as we arrived in Newark and checked into a motel, I dialed the number. It was too far away. After several more phone calls, we connected with the Hudson Christian Church in Kearny. Ms. Ho greeted us warmly and she said she would come to see us right away and help us find accomodation. I didn't know until she showed up that she had three small children and was expecting her fourth. She brought the children along with her as she showed us two rental places. Although none of the two places worked out for us, I could never forget the warmhearted way she offered her help to a newcomer like me.

The following Sunday we went to the church for worship. After we had introduced ourselves a lot of people came up and greeted us. We felt as if we had come home and we couldn't restrain our tears. Mr. and Mrs. Tang said to us, "Can we give you a ride in our van?" When they saw our four bare walls, they immediately returned with a full load of things. The next day they delivered a big refrigerator. They also volunteered to be our chauffeurs every Sunday. Brother Ren came to see us on behalf of the church, and he brought us a wardrobe. Some other brothers brought us tables and chairs, TV, microwave, rice cooker and other kitchenware. Our house looked more like a home now. No longer did we have to live a life of sleeping on the floor with our jackets as coverings and eating takeaways. We were moved to the depths of our hearts and full of thanks for God's care and love. One month later we were baptized and became true believers.

No longer concerned about free gifts

Although I was now a Christian, I did not seem to feel "sanctified" or as if I was "a high priest", as I had learned in my baptism class. I did not experience much change in myself. After all, I was still a baby being fed on spiritual milk and relying on the care and nurture of the church. A sudden transformation was impossible for me. It was fortunate that the church in Kearny, which was composed primarily of young people, was very well organised and prospering despite the fact that they did not have a senior pastor. They had to borrow space from an American church for Sunday services and rely on guest speakers from outside. All the church's administrative tasks were handled by co-workers in addition to their regular jobs.

It was with this church that we participated in a lot more family gatherings for fellowship, testimonies, sharing and potluck meals. We no longer worried about these free gifts because nobody was demanding any return for their love. They truly believed that to give was more blessed than to get. It was in this church that we systematically learned the basic teachings of the Bible and we experienced more and more fellowship and God's love and care. When we were ill or we had errands to run, sisters would give us rides; when we were learning to drive and preparing to take the driving test, some brothers took turns to come around after work to tutor us in their own cars.

One day, my wife was practicing driving when the car went dead and they had to have it towed away. She felt really bad but Brother Song comforted her, "It's OK. My car was broken-down anyway." During that time, God's words were taking root within us. We were also strengthened by all the lovely testimonies of brothers and sisters who loved the Lord. We had a better understanding of Roman 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

When we were preparing to move to Canada, we planned to take the train from Newark to Toronto with one stop in New York. Brother Ren suggested that the train station in Manhattan was not safe in the morning and the three of us could be an easy target for robbers with all our luggage. So he volunteered to drive us directly to the station in New York. Brother Lo, who had leg problems, also insisted on going with us. That morning before six, five brothers came to meet us with three vans. On the train platform, I saw the homeless wanderers and the "red-cap" porters grabbing passengers' luggage without their permission and I began to appreciate the brothers' consideration. They stayed with us until everything was taken care of. I was starting to thank them when I remembered Brother Lo's saying that we should be thanking the Lord. So I shook hands with them and hugged them without a word. Tears blurred my eyes as they departed waving.

Payback time

We arrived in Toronto. Through the phone number given us in New Jersey, we were able to connect with the Du family from Home of Christians, and they welcomed us warmly. So once again we experienced the Lord's grace in a new environment. It is hard to thoroughly describe our new experience, but at the same time we were learning that we should look not only to our own interests, but also to the interests of others (Phil. 2:4). The Lord was making us grow. We were not babies any more and we were wanting to be workers for the Lord too.

Today the shy and confused faces of non-believers in the church often remind me of myself in the past. I have learned to give them the love that comes from Jesus. With the encouragement of the brothers and sisters, I have written about my own spiritual growth, sharing with others the Lord's salvation and the Gospel. I have had my writings published in Overseas Campus and Life, and I am no longer afraid of being persecuted. In retrospect, I realize how the Lord has protected me from the beginning; not only do I remember all those who have helped me and mentored me, but I am grateful for the wonderful salvation of the Lord. I want to grow stronger in myself, to care for those around me with love, and to love our Lord.

The author came from Shandong. Now he lives in Toronto, Canada.