My personal spiritual journey touches on two key themes: "faithfulness" and "the unexpected." To better understand my message, you should first know a bit about my personality. I've always been the organized, responsible, dependable type. I like to know what is happening next, when, and why. I like to have the day go pretty much the way I expected it would; I get a bit anxious about mix-ups and surprises -- you might call me inflexible. I'm goal-oriented and task-oriented to the point that I can miss the fun of the process. 

So it won't surprise you to learn that, as a believer, I've always been interested in identifying my gifts and seeking God's plan for my life so I that I could prepare myself. I yearned for a blueprint that would spell it all out so I could get on with following the plan. Once, in sheer frustration I used my concordance to look up all the Bible passages I could find with the word "plan" in them. What I found was God's general plan for all of us, with the focus on who we are, not what we do.

Thus, my understanding of "calling" begins with our shared, general "calling" as followers of Christ -- to reflect His character (humble, gentle, patient, loving). God provides the power, and works to bring those goals and acts which are based on faith to fruition. There isn't just one "calling" identified as my "career", but rather there is a very open-ended definition centered on my personal relationship with Christ that could take me in different directions over the course of my life. Within this general framework, I try to be open to my specific "calling" by leaving time for God's agenda in the midst of the busyness that threatens to overwhelm. I try to set my priorities with two criteria in mind: 1) What in my life is of eternal importance? (people's souls; the kingdom of God) and 2) What is it that only I am equipped for as an instrument for God's work? 

This is how I approach the challenge of being "faithful", which is my first main theme. Regarding my other theme, the "unexpected," as I read more deeply in the Bible, instead of life blueprints, I found stories like that of the shepherd boy David. Was he the best prepared, career-wise, for defeating Goliath? Only in God's eyes! Israel's leaders looked among the soldiers for their tallest and strongest and most skilled warrior. Only God would have guessed that David had a skill that could bring down the giant -- throwing a stone from a sling. David himself had spent his time preparing well for his career as a shepherd, not as a giant-killer. To shift focus, to try such a foolish thing and look like a fool to others as he did, required real courage. His bravery came not from faith in himself, but faith that God must know what he was doing. David had spent what looked like wasted years in the countryside doing what was most important of all, learning faithfulness. When the totally unexpected entered his life, he responded by dropping   everything, hearing and doing what God asked, and stepping out into a life that was never again the same. 

If you stop to think about it, the Bible is a history of such stories. Abraham left homeland and kin to follow a strange new voice. Joseph, son of a wealthy herdsman,   suddenly found himself at the bottom of a well and sold into slavery. Equally surprising, in a few years, he was running Pharaoh's kingdom. Mary took her life in her hands by saying yes to God's plans, and she could have been stoned as an adulteress. Saul prepared himself for a career teaching and leading the Jewish faithful, little knowing how his life would be turned upside down on a trip to Damascus. In each of these cases, just think if God had revealed what lay ahead, would they have been able to comprehend and believe it? How would they have tried to prepare for it? Most of the preparation in each case was outside the power and control of the humans involved. And God still works in mysterious ways with his faithful people. 

So I have been learning more and more that we need to be responsible and be prepared, but above all we need to seek to be faithful in the midst of the unpredictable. The difference is the point of view. Being responsible focuses on our actions and abilities; being faithful focuses on what God can do, which is often much more than we can ever dream of. We aren't often inspired to truly believe that God is sovereign over all of history, including the history we end up being part of.

Let me share with you how God has been at work in my career. For many years my profession (through graduate school, research at the State Dept., teaching at SAIS) was very separate from my personal areas of ministry to others (organizing the C.S. Lewis institute, teaching at church, encouraging family and friends). My interest in China was rather academic; I knew little about the spiritual and cultural aspects of China and nothing about the Chinese church. This changed fundamentally only after I passed through a mid-life crisis fifteen years ago (having twin babies and a three year old to take care of, my mother's death from cancer, the stress of juggling family and career) and fully committed my life, my fundamental sense of identity, security, and my career and family into the hands of the Lord, "giving up" my career ambitions to work part-time, for the sake of family. But God had much more in mind for me: a two year research sabbatical involving travel to China and interviews among high-level researchers and officials, as well as involvement in the organizing of a VIP Trip to China in early 1988, which was possible only because I was working part-time and could do this on my own time.

During these years, my conviction grew that my knowledge and abilities have been given me by the Lord and therefore belong to Him, to build his Kingdom. One positive result of my new willingness to give up control my life to the Lord has been new opportunities to combine work and ministry in interesting and fulfilling ways. These include serving as a volunteer host for Chinese officials and professionals visiting Washington, D.C. as coordinator of a research project bringing together Chinese scholars and former officials with US China experts to study the evolving Chinese political system; and as informal advisor to China ministry organizations . Most recently, I have sensed the Lord leading me to begin preparation for early retirement from the government in order to work in non-governmental organizations to introduce new theories and skills in "Conflict Resolution" to China, which may be useful for finding peaceful means of social change. This goal stems from my desire to obey Christ in being a peace-maker.

There are several other positive results of my closer integration of faith and vocation. These include good working relationships, independence of opinion, a "truth-seeking" attitude in analysis, a greater awareness of the moral issues of justice and righteousness in societal change and international relations, and clear guidelines on how to balance the demands of work, family, and ministry. Writing a spiritual journal has been the key for my growth in all these areas; it helps me integrate praying for others, meditating on Bible passages that the Holy Spirit uses to give me guidance, and reflection on my thoughts, emotions and behavior. I have begun to integrate a biblical perspective on human nature and society with what I had previously learned through a secular education in the social sciences. Several new insights have occurred to me:

-- There is a cyclical nature to historical change as people (whether American or Chinese or other) choose to obey or disobey God's rules and patterns for living. 

-- there is a close and complementary relationship between God's judgment (justice) and His mercy (loving kindness) . Sometimes God extends mercy to a nation through delays in his judgment in response to our prayers, but sometimes His mercy is reflected by judging a society. When the full dire consequences of their rebellion against God become evident and they suffer, a people has a chance to start over and change its ways.

 -- Both Chinese and foreign thinking about modernization require serious revision. The emphasis on material and technological development overlooks what the Bible emphasizes -- moral and cultural criteria. The rate of moral decline in both China and America may be much more indicative of the future of the two nations than their economic growth rate. My current interest in conflict resolution reflects my conviction that means of achieving nonviolent social change may be more central to China's future than means of doubling productivity. 

-- The importance of politics, both in domestic and international affairs, is limited and even decreasing. The role of non-governmental organizations, as well as business, is growing. We should be aware that the universal Church (defined as God's family -- the "invisible" body of believers world-wide, not any set of institutions) is the most important and most powerful "INGO" (international non-governmental organization) in history. This is the one group that crosses all boundaries of gender, family, nation and race; it alone can encompass all of humanity.

Christ and His followers are the greatest agents of personal and social change. As believers, the focus of our personal identity, security, and ultimate loyalty should be the Kingdom of Christ. Other identities and loyalties, including nationalism, are false gods, idolatrous dead-ends. Instead of thinking "How can Christianity be used to build a powerful America or China? " we should ask "How can America or China contribute to building Christ's Kingdom?" or better yet, "How can I, who happen to be American or Chinese, love and serve my Creator and Lord?"

Only by walking this pathway can we truly have influence on society and history, as we fit into God's overall purpose for humanity. God in His sovereignty uses individuals and families, rulers and nations to change the world. But for this to happen, we must choose to take the first step of responding to His call to serve Him. What is our destiny? Obeying our personal calling from God, being faithful amidst the unexpected twists and turns in life; this is the source of all true and lasting meaning and purpose.

Dr. Carol Hamrin is a visiting professor in John Hopkins University. She has been a good friend and teacher for many Chinese scholars and students. This article was an interview given during a Chinese student retreat at Washington D.C. in Thanksgiving Holiday, 1994.