Since my childhood, I dreamed about love and happiness. I still remember a movie I watched when I was young. Its title was "The Blue Bird". This is how the story went:

Once upon a time, there was a little boy and his little sister. They were searching for a particular blue bird, which according to legend would bring people happiness. They took their beloved dog and cat with them and traveled for miles over mountains and forests to search for the bird. Once they almost died in a forest fire. Finally an old man, touched by their sincerity, gave them a hint saying, "Go home, children, just go home." When they arrived home, they saw a bird cage hanging under the eves of their house. In the cage was the blue bird that they had been searching for all that time!

From that movie, my young and tender heart learned that love and happiness must be sought after diligently. However, in the end when they are found, they are not far from us.

How I wished I could find my own blue bird, too!

After I grew up, I visited Hainan Island. It was a veritable paradise with its beautiful scenery. We stayed in a lodge located at the southern most tip of the island called "Deer Turned Back".

The name "Deer Turned Back" came from a legend.

Once upon a time, when Hainan Island was still attached to the mainland, there was a young and brave hunter. One day he was chasing a golden deer with his rifle. After a long pursuit, they reached the southern-most tip of the peninsula. Unable to go further, the deer stopped and turned around. The hunter also stopped and aimed his rifle at the deer. At that moment, the hunter saw tears in the eyes of the deer. His heart melted and he lowered his rifle and instead of killing it, he led the deer back to his tent. When he woke up the next morning, the golden deer had disappeared and lying beside him was a beautiful young lady. They fell in love, married and lived happily ever after. Their descendants later became the inhabitants of the Hainan Island.

I said to myself : it is love that drives us to treasure the happiness that surrounds us. It is love that brings happiness. The stories of the blue bird and the golden deer made a deep impression on my youthful heart. Like many others, I longed to find love and happiness. Yet in our surroundings there was so little love to be found! During the Cultural Revolution I witnessed numerous dead bodies floating down the rivers everyday. The slogan pounding in my ears was, "Class struggle is the power to push society forward." In my confusion and despair my heart cried out, "Where is love?"

More than a decade has passed since I moved to the United States. One day my wife brought me to church. As soon as I stepped into the church building, I was engulfed by a warm and gentle love. In the church, the secular competitive atmosphere was absent and everyone was genuinely accepted with open arms. I was both shaken and held by such love. Gradually I learned that this love came from the God the Christians believed in. I was told that God loved me also and He died on the cross for my sins so that I could come to him and enjoy his love.

Within my heart a great struggle was raging. On the one hand, I did not want to accept the fact that God loved me so much that he would send his only Son to die for me. And I did not want to forego the pride and self confidence that I had built up over the years. Yet on the other hand I could not deny the deep yearning for love within my heart. Finally, I surrendered to God’s love. After I accepted God’s love and acknowledged my wickedness and arrogance, I started to experience God’s love and indescribable peace and joy. Even in the most difficult times, this peace and joy was still able to flood my heart.

I finally found my own blue bird and golden deer, and they were indeed within reach. In His love God created me and gave me a wonderful physical body, emotions and mind. He also created this immense universe which in every way manifests His tender care and love. I did not know this love earlier because I stubbornly held on to my selfish desires and pride. I did not have empty hands to receive God’s love which had been prepared for me. God’s love is a priceless and precious gift. Even though it is within reach for anyone, it takes a humble heart to acknowledge the sacrificial and redemptive love of Jesus Christ, and to receive it. I am glad I did not kill my golden deer out of pride and greed. Now I am enjoying the greatest blessings and love in my life!

My heart was transformed gradually as I was touched by His love. I found I am able to love God in return. This in turn, has helped me to experience even more of His love.

At the end of 1993, I had to leave my wife who was undergoing breast cancer treatment at the time, to visit my father in China who had just had an operation to remove a cancerous growth in his stomach. I packed a lot of gospel tracks for that trip because I believed sharing the gospel was just as important as visiting my father.

I was greatly saddened by the sight of my father’s thin body lying in the hospital. In the midst of my sorrow, I received a phone call from the States telling me that my wife’s cancer had rapidly spread to her lung and brain. Facing the possibility of losing both my father and my wife at any time, my heart was full of grief and anxiety. Yet at the same time, love from God welled up in my heart. I discovered that the more love I have for God, the more love He bestows, which in turn enables me to love Him even more. Like an incoming tide, this love welled up within me to a point of completely covering all the pain and grief.

The Lord also helped me to love and to receive love from others. Early in 1994, after nursing my father back to reasonable health, I rushed back to take care of my wife. Though it was the most difficult time of my life, people found me still smiling and caring for others. At the end of 1994, after thirty years of marriage, I and my wife were finally separated from one another. Yet I know that we were only physically separated. Love has the power to transcend even death and time. I am still living in the love which God and my wife had for me, even though it is painful to have lost her.

Three days after the funeral service, I went back to China to see my father. Unexpectedly, I found my mother seriously ill and bed-ridden. My mother did not complain about my delay in coming, but in her weakness she asked about my wife’s well being. It was hard for me to tell her that my wife had passed away. She expressed a great desire to take care of me and my sister. Once again I was confounded by the immense love of a mother. I know a mother’s love is from God also.

During this difficult time, God’s love opened my heart to truly receive the love and care of friends, brothers and sisters. Be it a caring glance, a comforting word or a dinner invitation or some dumplings, I caught the warmth and love that was wrapped up in them. I did not know these until God’s love enabled me to know the love of man.

After searching for decades, I finally found my own blue bird and golden deer. Indeed, the blue bird was at home. When we come to the Heavenly Father, we are coming home to receive his love and blessings. When we are willing to let go of our greed and pride, we will be able to receive Christ’s love and find our own golden deer.

With Christ’s love, one will experience the abundant blessing of peace and joy deep in one’s soul. This compels me to love God and my fellow man and in the process to experience being loved. This love is capable of breaking through any barriers of illness, pain or even death. It is able to conquer sin and my old self. It also will attract people to God to find truth and rest in Him. This love will bring heaven to earth and enrich one’s life beyond measure.

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Mr. Lu obtained a Ph.D. degree in Mechanical Engineering from Michigan University and is now working for General Motor Company.