There are a lot of marriage and family problems among overseas students. While some of these problems are related to the special circumstances in a foreign country such as language skills, job opportunities and adaptability, others are continuations of China's social and historical problems.

Since China adopted its open-door policy nearly twenty years ago, people of all social classes have experienced various kinds of impact and they have changed their views of the world, of value and of life style, some more visible than the others. It is notable that many social problems in the area of marriage, family and sexual relationships have also emerged. Divorce, infant abandonment, prostitution, extramarital affairs¡K, one after another like waves rising and falling. Some of these problems are mixed with tears of the past; still others are brought about by the fashionable new waves¡K How on earth are we supposed to comment on what was in the past, to question what is going on now and to predict what will be happening in the future?

In as early as 1949, the new communist government set a positive tone on the styles of China's marriage, family and sexual relationship. The government issued The Law of Marriage, which strictly prohibited the old practices of arranged marriages, commercial marriages, child brides as well as prostitution. Under the law, freedom of love and marriage was promoted and monogamy was religiously observed. The Law was one of the most positive and most influential revolutions in the Chinese marriage system in history. Re-marriage became a fashion.

From The Land Reform, to The Suppressing of counter-revolutionaries, from Anti-rightist Movement to The Cultural Revolution, those who were persecuted were considered enemies of the proletarian class and were degraded into the lowest class of the society. Then came marital crises. Families were broken up, husbands and wives fell out, and children denounced relationships with their parents (Children were related to their parents by blood and their relation could never be canceled out. Denunciation of their relation with their parents was an absurd byproduct of an absurd era). Because political class identification became the only indication of social status, victimized families would have to carry the burden of class to their children and even grandchildren. As a result, husbands and wives were forced to part each other. Class identification, much like racial segregation, had tyrannized China for thirty years and even today one can still feel the pain and the negative impact to those who were persecuted.

During the Cultural Revolution, an entire generation of adolescents lost their chance to go to school. They were forced to emigrate to the countryside instead. For a long time they lived in rural areas, which limited their chances of finding the right life partner. At times they were made to settle down in the countryside and other times they were allowed to come back to the cities. They lived under extreme uncertainty and they had no way of knowing what their future would be. Some of them, for the sake of survival, were forced to marry those they didn't love; some, in exchange for the privilege of coming back to the cities, were forced to depart from their beloved; some were willing to give up career because of love; and still others had to settle for an unmarried sex life¡K No matter what their choices were, they all had to taste the bitter cup. Those who decided not to make a choice proved they had made a bad choice of not choosing because many of them were left single and forever lost their chances to marry¡K Settling the educated youths in the countryside brought about a special marital phenomenon that tremendously boosted divorce rate, creating intensified aftermath and profound impact on the next generation. Some children were abandoned in the countryside for various reasons. They grew up and went to the cities to look for their parents¡K The famous TV series The Fatal Debt was written based on true stories.

Not only were the love stories among the educated youth special, but in the era where the extreme leftists dominated, love stories were virtually missing anywhere from the official propaganda to the work of art and literature. In movies or operas, heroes or heroines were never married. From 1966 to 1978, women were not allowed to wear skirts, hair styles, high-heel shoes and cosmetics¡K Women students wore army uniforms and army belts like men. Short hair or no hair were considered a fashion. The so-called Iron Women of Da Zhai became women's role model¡K Such misleading aesthetic standards caused the entire generation of women, now in their 40s and 50s, to be brainwashed in that the ugly was considered beautiful and exposure of female characteristics was considered shameful. Gradually they lost their feminine softness and became coarse and stubborn. Men also lost much of their responsibilities of caring, gentleness and love. Today, when men and women accuse each other, saying: "There are no ladies in China", or "There are no gentlemen in China", how are they supposed to sort out the mess if they don't spend some time looking into the past?

The open-door policy has triggered people of all ages to re-evaluate the quality of their marriages. Along with the turmoil in marriages, families and sexual relationships, came yet another new wave¡Xdivorce. Is it that people go to the other extreme when they see their mistakes in the past? Or is it yet another round of oddity similar to those of the past? Quite an interesting subject.

Like waves rising and falling, where are they really heading toward? In the past few decades, the standard for finding the right life partners have gone through several stages in Mainland China. In the 50s, old revolutionaries were highly valued; during the Cultural Revolution, good political class identification became the favorite of all; in the beginning of the open-door policy, high-ranking officials or high-ranking intellectuals were high in the wanted list; a few years after the adoption of the open-door policy, foreigners or overseas Chinese gained popularity; at the present time, the rich and the extravagant are the most fashionable¡K As the Chinese people are ready to put their sour fruit behind them, will they once again pick a bitter one instead?

Many media reports and research results show that extramarital affairs are getting more popular. Some people fail to get along with their spouses and, since they do not have a short term plan to divorce or they simply find it hard to divorce, they seek "love" from a third party, resulting in extramarital affairs. Some utilize their authority and do three-way business with power, money and beauty. And it is not uncommon to see the extremely rich to have a couple of wives or a few concubines or even sex slaves¡K In the deteriorating society, neighbors do not care and neither does the government. Occasionally, these affairs manage to make their way to the first wife, and bloodshed may follow. It is recently reported that a nine-year-old girl suffered severe injury when her father's extramarital lover poured acid on her face. This is a tiny incident, but it reflects potential disaster in the years to come.

The rapidly increasing number of extramarital affairs have caused countless family tragedies. A ruined tree must bear ruined fruit. The number of HIV patients as well as patients of other sex diseases increases exponentially year after year¡K The saints of the society, who are used to considering a family as a small nation and a nation as a large family, have uttered their worries and sighs about the nation that they were born to and grew up with.

But people, who are blinded by the absurdity of the society, have corrupted the sweet creek and turned it into a muddy puddle¡K

Anxiety, thirst, struggle and cry for help¡K

The author came from Beijing. She used to be a radio station correspondent and editor. She is currently studying in Los Angeles Tai Fu Seminary.