Xu Kang was one of the fortunate among overseas students. His wife was able to come with him to America. After they arrived here, however, the kind of pressure they had to deal with was more than they could bear. He not only had to take classes, but he was supposed to do research and he wouldn't be able to receive financial aid if his research work didn't produce any result. No wonder Mrs. Xu often complained that her husband seemed to have sold himself to the lab. Mrs. Xu was a medical doctor back in China. Ever since she came to America, she spent almost all her time taking care of their babies at home. Down into the pit went her social status along with her self-esteem. Moreover, she could not financially support herself as she had never worked hard to polish her English. As if all these were not enough, she had to endure her husband's complaints from time to time. As a result, the wall between the husband and wife grew higher and higher.

When their marriage was going through some of its toughest times, they took the advice of some of their Christian friends and participated in Bible studies and other church activities. From the marriage seminars they attended, they both realized that marriage was not about power struggle where man took half of the territory and woman the other half, nor was it that whoever had the higher income took the leadership role in the family. Marriage was about a husband's love and care toward his wife and about a wife's respect for her husband. From the Bible they understood that the marriage principle that God intended for human beings was one husband and one wife for ever and ever. When marriage crisis occurred, responsible couples should not abruptly choose to end their marriages; rather they should seek to improve their mutual communication, and they should practice patience, repentance and forgiveness, with which their marriage could be revived. Besides, if married couples did not resolve their problems from their first marriage, they would likely run into the same kind of problems in their second or third marriages. According to some of the divorce surveys in America, the divorce rate among first-time married couples was about fifty percent, whereas the divorce rate from second-time married couples went up to sixty percent, and that from third marriages was at seventy percent. The numbers further indicated God's good intention in setting up the life-long marriage principle for us.

Huang Min, his wife, read the letter with mixed feelings. In the past several years, Chen En had been busy studying in school, while she worked in restaurants. How hard she had been working to please restaurant patrons in order to collect their tips! Dollar by dollar, she slowly accumulated her savings up to several thousand dollars. Just in the beginning of the year, her husband sent 500 dollars to his parents. But now, his parents once again asked for money. Realizing his wife wasn't happy, Chen changed the subject. One month later, Chen's parents wrote again and told them they were given the last chance. Chen En had no other choice but to raise the issue again to his wife. Huang Min, too, had no other choice but to give her consent. Chen En immediately wrote a check of 5000 US dollars and sent it to China. A few months later, Chen En discovered that his wife seemed to have changed. There seemed be an invisible wall between them. Disputes between them had become more frequent. Nobody seemed to be able to understand the inner wounds Huang had suffered. Whenever she thought about her husband's lack of care for their family and their children, and even more so, his lack of care for her feelings and difficulty, she couldn't help weeping.

The marriage between Chen En and Huang Min were quickly deteriorating when they remembered their Christian friends, who had provided them a lot of help in the past few years whenever there were crises in their family. So they went to Bible studies and church activities as their last hope. They experienced a lot of counseling and help from Christian friends before they accepted Jesus. Together they were baptized and together they handed their marriage over to the hands of the Lord along with their wounds and sufferings,. They learned to love with the love of Jesus and they learned to forgive with the forgiveness of Jesus.

The marriage between Chen En and Huang Min was almost broken before it came together again. Now, they are on their way to happiness and satisfaction. Everybody says that such miracle cannot come from human. It must come from God's special care.

Not all marriages among Chinese overseas students survived the storms. Instead, many of their marriages, like little boats being beaten up in the rough sea, failed and sank into the sea.

Chen's reply amazed his schoolmates. Chen had accepted the Lord for only a few months and yet he was able to teach them a lesson on The Biblical Marriage Principles.

Extramarital affairs are not uncommon among overseas students. One common reason is couples do not always live together. Even though they don't necessarily live in two different countries, they often live in two different places. For instance husband may live in the east coast while wife may be in the west coast. Separation introduces temptation. Some extramarital affairs occur because husband or wife has a chance to communicate with a person of the opposite sex during Bible studies or church activities. Extramarital affairs often begin when a man and a woman chat together, go to coffee shop together or work in a lab together. For example, Mr. Wang was a Christian. He got acquainted with a beautiful young woman at one of the annual medicine conferences in California. It so happened that in the end he abandoned his wife whom he had married for 20 years and his son who was 15.

What do we do to avoid these tragedies? Billy Graham, the most famous American evangelist, once shared his experience with thousands of pastors at a nationwide conference. He said he and his co-workers took an oath when he turned 30: "Never be alone with a woman except for my own wife." Pastor Graham took serious precaution and protection for his marriage so that he remains a great testimony for the Lord even when he turns 80.

There are many good books about ideal marriages in the bookstores. Today, however, more and more people, in America, in Mainland China and in Taiwan, back off from their marriages with mental wounds and tears. Marriage theories or methodologies are important, but they do not provide the necessary strength for us. Our sinful nature, our desire to sin and our potential to sin, plus the impure world all around us, are slowly eclipsing our marriages. It is only when husbands and wives rely on God's love, power and wisdom, can they overcome all problems and be victorious in the end.

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