A Genius Or A Fool?By Xing Xue "It is hard to be a genius; and it is hard to be a fool. It is even harder for a genius to become a fool." When I was young, I didn't quite agree with this famous saying by Zheng Ban-qiao. I liked Mao's saying better: "Perseverance is the key to everything." Why be a fool? As I grew up, however, I learned many lessons from the world and I started to understand what Zheng really meant. In this murky world there are too many things that are not at all clear and can never be worked out. After I believed in the Lord, I started to have a new understanding of what it means to be a "genius", or to be a "fool". In this world everyone likes to think that he is no fool. When we call ourselves fools, we are probably simply being humble. Under the influence of Darwin's theory of natural selection, we all like to think highly of ourselves, and will do all we can to evolve into a superior species. Hence the theory of the survival of the fittest - and the law of the jungle. What a mess it all is! I grew up in an environment where people were constantly pitted against each other, and as a matter of course I loaded into my brain the idea of 'conquering the heavens'. At the same time I was crippled by my blind pursuit of science. In order to survive, I never disclosed my real self to others. My judgment of current issues was limited to repetitive proofs, statistics gathering and boundary setting. I was really proud of my own intellectualism and objectivity. Nevertheless, I was often puzzled by the fact that many so-called "wise" men, in spite of all their efforts, did not seem to gain much from their own wisdom, whereas a lot of "foolish" people, in their honesty and uprightness, seemed to do well. Just as it is written in Ecclesiastes 9:11: "The race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned." An ancient saying went, "Heaven helps the foolish". And I couldn't help half-believing it. No wonder modern science has started to adopt the "fuzzy theory" to explore issues that can never quite be figured out. But what was Heaven after all? Why was it so full of both justice and mystery? I could find no explanation. Perhaps it was luck, or was it fate? Unfortunately, the smarter we were, the more we struggled along on this rough journey. When I was first exposed to Christianity overseas, I immediately applied to it my own methods of proof. I opened the Bible and discovered that its teachings were very different to my own ideas. Shaking my head, I repeatedly criticized Biblical teachings as impossible or unfounded or simply mythical. I almost turned into a professional critic. At Bible study meetings, I kept making challenging statements, not only because I had completely failed to understand the Bible, but because I wanted to show off my own erudition, my sharp thinking, my individuality and my powers of judgment. Sometimes I was so critical that the pastor couldn't even answer my questions. My wife kept stopping me, afraid that I might cause too much embarrassment. To my surprise, however, the pastor laughed. "Great! you've nearly found God!" I was confused. "He can't even answer my questions; why does he say I have nearly found God?" He continued, "You wouldn't have had these questions unless you were really studying the Bible. So you are not far from God. God can speak to you Himself." Of course, no-one could possibly understand the Bible without reading it personally. Didn't I use to memorize Mao's sayings, Do not speak before you research, and If you want to know what the pear tastes like, take a bite yourself? So I didn't need to apply a "double standard". The same "scientific approach" I was familiar with should also apply to the study of the Bible. After much painstaking effort coupled with prayers to God to grant me the key to understanding and encouraged by the vivid testimonies of my Christian friends, my long suppressed spirit awoke and my closely locked heart was opened. Were our ancestors really apes? Why couldn't God make man in the image of Himself? I had never seriously thought about these questions, and now I started to question my own intellectual system. I asked myself: On what basis should I believe in a hypothetical evolutionism but reject the unshakable arguments of creationism? Take a look at the history of the world. Who else could have made magnificent statements like In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, or, I am the way, the truth and the life? Read Job chapters 38 through 41, in which God asks men a series of questions. Over four thousand years have passed since then and a so-called highly civilized human race are still struggling to find the answers. Indeed, human wisdom has its limits. No wonder scientific figures like Newton and Galileo all feared God and believed in God. Compared to these talented scientists, we can only be filled with shame; and what do we have to boast about? So I pulled myself up out of my deep ponderings. I accepted Jesus Christ and walked into a beautiful experience. Everything became so wonderful. I was glad I had become foolish about worldly things, but that now my awakened spirit had got to know the Lord and it had become wise because, as the Bible says in Job 28:28, The fear of the Lord - that is wisdom, and again in Proverbs 9:10, knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. I realized that my apparent wisdom in the past had actually been foolishness. In our arrogance we had seen ourselves as gods and masters. But at the same time our eyes were blinkered and we were incapable of seeing the true God who controls the whole universe. So we fell into the trap of cheating each other and fighting each other. We could not extricate ourselves, and had become the victims of our own wisdom. I was completely humbled in God's presence. I was still. I remembered my criticisms of the Bible and I felt afraid. We are like a drop of water in the ocean, a speck of dust in the desert. Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. (Job 38:4) The little that we have is so far less than the wisdom of God that we ought never apply our own limitations to God. I began to study the Bible seriously. I tried to understand the will of God in order to gain wisdom. Some of my friends laughed at me for taking up the cross. But I believe I was really being wise instead of being a fool. Good understanding wins favor (Prov. 13:15) Though I am lowly and despised, I do not forget your precepts (Psalms 119:141). After all, God's will surpasses the will of man and God's ways are far above those of man. I often pray to God: Give me understanding to learn your commands (Psalms 119:73), so that I may gain wisdom in You. Although I still occasionally have difficulties understanding the Bible, I am a lot better than before. I still often ask a lot of questions during the Sunday school classes, but the intention behind these questions is to gain understanding and to communicate the Gospel to those who have a similar background and thinking processes to mine. Sometimes my questions are so tough that pastors or teachers can provide no explanation. But I understand that the secret things belong to the Lord our God (Deut. 29:29) and that we will never be able to fully understand. Otherwise, wouldn't we all become gods? No water is magnificent if you have been to the sea; no cloud is gorgeous if you have been to Mount Wu. I am no longer interested in vanity and social status. I am fixing my eyes on the eternal rewards which God provides. I have lived abroad for several years now and my name has been listed in the International Who's Who published by Cambridge University, but I do not consider that is anything to boast of. All I have achieved serves only to glorify God. As for myself, my smartest achievement has been coming to know God. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Prov. 3:5). All I do is done with the judgment God provides, and I follow the law of God and all the natural laws God made. Indeed, we will never be able to fully understand all the wisdom or the foolishnesses of this world, nor all the good or all the bad. Only God, who is just and who sits above the circle of the earth, can make judgment. Freed from worldly vanity and wealth, I live now in simplicity and in awe. My life is a happy one. Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight (I Cor. 3:18-19). We conduct ourselves not according to worldly wisdom but to God's grace. The author came from Shandong. He lives in Toronto, Canada. |